Sunday, January 8, 2012

Itsy Bitsy WHA?

Meg has become a voracious reader. Luckily, ever since the day she was born the people in our lives have given her tons of books. Unluckily, I think some of them didn't read them before they passed them our way. Or maybe they did, and thought we would find them quaint. Or maybe they didn't, and it was a regift. Hell, whatever the reason, we ended up with the most bizarre collection of books of children's songs ever.


From the outside they look normal, even kinda cute. But it's inside that things go wrong. I first noticed it when I heard Ryan reading Meg "Wheels on the Bus." The bus driver doesn't say "move on back," but rather "beep, beep, beep"; and the bus doesn't go "all through the town" but instead "all day long." I pointed it out to Ryan, and he said it was probably just a regional difference, and that maybe in Delaware that's how they sang it. I told him I had been to Delaware. He gave me that look that let me know I am slowly driving him insane.

I was going to leave it alone, until I heard him reading Meg the book containing "row, row, row your boat." The end of that one was enough that I went in to examine the page, and even took a picture.


That's right, life is not a dream in this version of the song. Instead it is a place where carnivorous reptiles can pop up at any moment and you have to scream your lungs out and pray to God that someone can hear you.

Oh, and that's not even the most bizarre one. That comes to us from "the animals marching two by two." First of all, I didn't know this was a "beloved" children's song, and second of all, I had no idea it ended like this...


Apparently the rain is so bad the singer lost all grasp of the English language. Never happened to me, but maybe I've just never seen that type of rain.

Thank God for "Good Night Moon." And thank God we own at least four copies of it. Maybe ten.

10 comments:

Vapid Vixen said...

What the hell? For to get out of the rain? Is this for real? What country were these published in and was there any sort of editor? I realize that's a hell of a lot of questions but seriously!!!! What the hell?

Tara said...

We sang that part about the crocodile in Wren's swim class. Especially threatening when you're already in the water.

makingmonkeysoup.com said...

I am thinking these books were purchased out of the back of a van somewhere.

You better have them tested for off the charts lead levels.

rockygrace said...

Sounds like Dollar Store to me ...

Riot Kitty said...

That is hilarious! Speaking of kids' books, you should read what I posted yesterday. I bet you'll have some nifty ideas.

Summer said...

The driver says beep, beep, beep? No. The driver does not say beep, beep, beep. I don't care where you reside. He doesn't.

dufmanno said...

Dude, keep these forever.
This is like the children's literature version of the INVERTED JENNY.
Postage doesn't seem so laughable when a stamp fetches over a million.

Mandy_Fish said...

That crocodile line is comedy gold.

Jen Has A Pen said...

The crocodile crap is terrifying. And I'm in my 30's! Clearly, anyone can write a children's book.

LL Cool Joe said...

They are the kind of books you can buy in "Poundland" here in the UK. Maybe someone was very generous and splashed out at the Dollar Store for Meg. ;)