Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Holi-dazed (See What I Did There? I KNOW! Super Clever!)

I am sitting here at my dining room table, surrounded by a holly, jolly mess. I have more than a dozen Christmas cards that still need to be written and addressed to the right of me, and a pile of presents that have to be wrapped from Santa to my left; in front of me I have two half finished blankets I am crocheting, and on the counter behind me I have neighbor gifts that need to be assembled, and have witty notes attached to them.

So which one am I focusing on right now? The computer in the middle of it all, and the glass of wine in my lap.

You were expecting something different?

I don't know why I am overwhelmed and surprised by this predicament. Every year, it doesn't matter how early I start, how organized I am, or how good my intentions are, I always end the season in a holiday frenzy. There is always one gift I have forgotten, or one gift I can't find that I know I have bought, but hidden somewhere in the house so well that not even I can remember where it is. Christmas cards ALWAYS seem to run out long before the list of recipients does, even though I swear we haven't made any new friends in at least three years, and the number of cards we order increases. Oh, and don't even get me started on figuring out the logistics for seeing Ryan's family, my family, and friends and relatives who happen to be in town.

I'm actually starting to think it's my starting early and feeling organized that gets me into this jiggle hell each December. It gives me a false sense of security, and makes me think I'm ahead of the game. When the cards came in mid-November I thought "I have plenty of time, I don't want to get them out too early." Now I am just hoping my signature is legible and I don't write "fuck" in any of them accidentally -- or at least not the ones going to Ryan's family.

Same thing with gifts. Amazon and I had it all figured out long ago. Of course, Amazon forgot to remind me that Meg has two teachers at her play group, and that two of our friends have new babies in addition to the older kids I am used to buying for. Oh, and it also said nothing about stocking stuffers or the fact I have co-workers. Stupid Internet jerk. I just hope babies and TV news people alike appreciate the glory of holiday M&Ms. After all, they were two for 3 bucks today at the grocery store. I had to growl at some people, but I think I got enough.

As for the family arrangements? I am really thinking next year I am going to hire people who look almost exactly like us and send them out while we go to Fiji.

Actually, I might hire them to do the whole damn thing.

Happy Holidays!

12 comments:

Riot Kitty said...

This is the first time since I was 5 that I haven't sent any holiday cards (except for my grandfather at his assisted living place.) It's delightfully un-Swiss and irresponsible of me. BTW, my word verification is "socarded." Kid you not.

Jen said...

I love the idea of hiring someone else to handly the holidays for me. You are onto something there.

Kelley said...

Hiring people that look like you is such a great idea! I know what you mean about the Christmas cards. Same over here. I feel like I'm doing good with them and then, BAM, I receive a card from someone I didn't send a card to and then have to find one to send to them. I always end the holidays in a frenzy, too.

LL Cool Joe said...

Tell me about it! That's why I'm sitting here at 6.00am wrapping presents, and I'm still waiting for items to arrive from Amazon.

Pass the wine, yeah I know it's only 6.00am but that means it's the evening in the States right?

makingmonkeysoup.com said...

I have failed at sending Christmas cards for the last two years. Just a complete fail. And you know what? I don't care. I just don't. I may never do them again.

All our gifts are wrapped, I have all the stocking stuff stashed away, and am looking forward to Sunday so that I can reclaim my closet again.

Granny Annie said...

You have opened up the way for an entire new industry. We know there are actors who hire out as celebrity look-alikes. Why not start a company that specializes in sending out actors who are family look-alikes? It would kill two birds with one stone. 1. You no longer have to actually go to family gatherings and 2. You would greatly reduce unemployment.

Dr. Cynicism said...

Amen to the computer and wine! Hopefully you're all caught up by now :-)

LL Cool Joe said...

Happy Christmas to you!!

Selma said...

Hope you are having a super-jolly festive season, Libby. Much love to you and the family xxx

Sam said...

See, this is why the holidays make me bitter.

Stopcallingmeshirley07 said...

I stopped sending cards. No one seems to send real cards anymore, just those portrait things with generic messages. They kind of bum me out a bit. Scaled back on gifts. Didn't have a big tree this year. Still, the holidays found a way to yank all the stress strings. Hope it all worked out for you.

Ann Imig said...

Why don't they have more Christmas card templates with "FUCK" on them?