Sunday, April 3, 2011

Opening Game

It's spring (kind of) and that means it once again is time for Ryan and me to play our favorite game "pick the stellar parenting moment." Now, yes, we could play this game anywhere, since truly stellar parenting moments are all around us, and we like being judgmental all year long. However, like baseball, this is a game that is best played outside, in settings that are supposed to be all about fun. I think we all know that is where the stellarest of the stellar moments happen.

Ryan and I had our first game the other night at the zoo. The weather was warm, the animals were out and playing, and some parents just couldn't tell their kids enough how horrible they are.

All through the zoo we had two prime contenders. One had a child named Mason. We know his name was Mason because she would scream it every time she would push him and tell him to "hurry up.'' Seriously, you would have thought Mason was cattle the way she was prodding him. I guess she had a definite schedule of animal viewing, and no one was going to mess that up for her.

I have no idea what the kids of the other Mom were named, because she only called them all "you." I guess when you have five under seven that happens. "You," she would say "stop making that face. You're making the picture ugly. I don't know why I even take pictures of you." A short time later we heard her say "hey, you, if you don't hurry up I am leaving you here and the animals will probably eat you." No, that is a great way to make sure a kid will love the zoo forever.

All throughout the zoo these two top contenders battled. The "you" Mom would say something totally disheartening that could scar a child for life, but then Mason's Mom would push him so hard we thought for sure he was about to take a tumble. It was a REALLY close race, sure to be a photo finish.

Then a dark horse pulled ahead.

A young couple that had been making the rounds in the zoo with us, not making a peep except to coo over their probably nine month old son, held him over the rail in the giraffe house, 16 feet above a concrete floor, to get a picture of him with the animal. I don't know who looked more shocked: the endangered child, or the giraffe who was wondering if this was some kind of chubby new treat.

Mason's Mom and the "You" Mom faded into the background. We had a winner.

I'm actually hoping that we run into them again. Maybe at the aviary, or the race track. I have a feeling they could make this the best stellar parenting season ever.


Deidra said...

Oh no, oh no: flashbacks of the time Britney Spears held her baby over the railing of a balcony...that was Britney Spears, right?

LL Cool Joe said...

Deidra, I think that was Michael Jackson.

I often think I'm a bad parent until I go somewhere with adults and kids, and realise I'm doing ok after all.

Granny Annie said...

Shucks, I would have won if you had seen me in the grocery store 39 years ago with my 3 month old daughter in the cart, dragging my 18 month old son by his arm up and down the aisles because he refused to walk and then loading kids and tons of groceries in the car. Preoccupied with getting things right I managed to roll my son's head up in the electric window. I stopped before he was decapitated.

BugginWord said...

*makes frantic scribbles in note book*

no shoving

no saying "YOU!"

no suspending over concrete slabs at great heights or taunting live animals with juicy treats

Ok...keep going. I'm ready.

Summer said...

You're making the picture look bad. Niiiiiice. I don't say "you." But I say, "Boys!" In stressful moments, I've been known to confuse their names. Then they laugh, then I become furious. So I yell, "BOYS!"

Kelly said...

On Saturday, I took Mea to have her softball pictures taken.

The photographer had to turn around and yell at the parents to tell them to stop waving, stop telling the kids to smile etc, because they were all being to distracting. Except that I had been calling them hillbillies, and other names, I have never wanted a beer so badly at 10 am in my life.

I guess if you can't beat them join them?

Enough said.