First I tried Sudafed. Nothing. Then I coated myself in Vick's Vaporub. Ryan threatened to sleep on the couch, but I still didn't feel better. NyQuil. DayQuil. Mucinex. Nothing, nada, zilch. I was close to the end of my rope when, on Friday, I pulled a bottle of Robitussin off the shelf on my way to work.
I took a dose in the car as I drove. I waited. Nothing. I got to work. I waited. Nothing. After about an hour I decided to take another dose, and see if that did anything. It did. Suddenly I was high as a kite. A kite that still had cold symptoms. I turned to my friend Irinna.
"Irinna, I am totally high," I said.Laughter."Don't laugh, this is serious.""Well, don't take any more.""But I still have my cold.""Don't take any more."
I'm not quite sure how I go through the rest of the day, but I did. On the way out to my car I started to crash, and by the time I got home I had a hangover similar to those I had in my 20's, only worse, because I had no funny memories to go along with it.
The next day I went to the doctor. Damn it. Well, at least the antibiotics she gave me won't lead me to a 12 step program.