Monday, February 28, 2011

Bad Trip

I have spent the last week sick as a dog, and refusing to go to the doctor. You know, because that's how I roll. I sounded like the love child of Harvey Firestein and Selma from the "The Simpsons," and had no idea how my body was producing so much mucus when it had so little energy to do anything else. I was gross, I was suffering, and the last thing I wanted to be told was that I had "just a cold." We all know there is a whole aisle at the grocery store devoted to treating those. So, to that aisle I went.

First I tried Sudafed. Nothing. Then I coated myself in Vick's Vaporub. Ryan threatened to sleep on the couch, but I still didn't feel better. NyQuil. DayQuil. Mucinex. Nothing, nada, zilch. I was close to the end of my rope when, on Friday, I pulled a bottle of Robitussin off the shelf on my way to work.

I took a dose in the car as I drove. I waited. Nothing. I got to work. I waited. Nothing. After about an hour I decided to take another dose, and see if that did anything. It did. Suddenly I was high as a kite. A kite that still had cold symptoms. I turned to my friend Irinna.
"Irinna, I am totally high," I said.
"Don't laugh, this is serious."
"Well, don't take any more."
"But I still have my cold."
"Don't take any more."
I'm not quite sure how I go through the rest of the day, but I did. On the way out to my car I started to crash, and by the time I got home I had a hangover similar to those I had in my 20's, only worse, because I had no funny memories to go along with it.

The next day I went to the doctor. Damn it. Well, at least the antibiotics she gave me won't lead me to a 12 step program.


Jen said...

That sounds like me a month or so ago. Well, without the robotrippin, but all the other drugs. Hope you feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

Ooo, just like high school! Nothing like a Robodrunk day to make your head spin. Feel better!

Jill VT said...

Did you at least get something with codeine too? That makes all the suffering worth it.

Well, not really - but a little more fun.

Scribe said...

I was really sick about two or three weeks ago. When I was feeling a bit better (but still had a horrendous cough), I decided to go to a movie and popped a DayQuil before venturing out so I didn't cough all over The King's Speech. I felt loopy by half-time and spent the rest of the time spouting nonsense to The Man. I'm now banned from taking it again.

Granny Annie said...

You must truly have a high tolerance level to experiment with so many varieties of cold meds. Surely some family member told you to see a doctor first and now he or she has to be saying "told you so".

BugginWord said...

When robotripping doesn't work, you have to resort to huffing aerosol out of paper bags. That clears nasal passages right up. True story.