Tonight Ryan and I decided to take Meg and Luke to see the latest way to make money off the holidays: "Zoo Lights." As the name implies it is brightly colored light displays sprinkled throughout the zoo, so that people can pay six dollars a head to look at them, while simultaneously bothering animals that really would rather be asleep. Oh, and eat deep fried s'mores. It's a good time.
Actually, most of the animals didn't seem that bothered by the lights, or the people, or the jackasses that pounded on the glass due to the shortage of zoo keepers that wwork nights. I think they must have been in the Christmas spirit. After all, how else would you explain the tiger nativity? Yes, I know that's just their sleeping quarters and not a manger, but then why was the smallest one wrapped in swaddling clothes?
The kangaroo was the only animal that really seemed agitated by the whole thing, jumping around it's enclosure like it was at a rave. I wasn't quite sure what was going on, until I heard the teenage boy behind me say to his (slutty, trust me, I know) girlfriend: "I bet I can hit him with another snowball."
Before I knew what came over me I whirled around with fire in my eyes. "What?" I hissed. He visibly shrank. His girlfriend's mouth hung open, in a half laugh, half silent shriek. "Sorry," he mumbled, and they both walked off.
I felt so cool. Luke and I did a fist bump.
When we caught up with Ryan and Meg I relayed the story, expecting Ryan to be really impressed with my badassery (it's a word). I was shocked when he shrugged. "You're the face of authority to them," he said, "of course they're going to turn tail and run."
Um, in case that wasn't clear, my husband called me old. OLD!
I AM NOT OLD!
I am the person mistaken for 25 ALL THE TIME! I am the one mistaken for Meg's "babysitter," and not just because she's African American. I listen to Kanye! And the Decemberists! Just because I am "technically" old enough to be the mother of a teen doesn't mean I am "old." I am youthful! I am vibrant! I only use Oil of Olay as a preventative measure! I am old enough to buy booze and forget anyone called me old!
Oh, thank God for that last one.
Maybe I'll give some to the kangaroo too.