I am tired of my boobs.
Don't get me wrong, I am usually very glad to have them. I have been told many, many times that they are one of my best attributes. They are fun to dress up in low cut dresses and blouses. They help me win arguments with my husband. I really do like them, most of the time. Right now though, they are just a pain in the ass.
Part of it is the heat. When the weather is hot, my boobs seem bigger, heavier, and just more THERE. I am always aware of them. When I am typing at my desk, they crowd against my arms. When I am drying my hair they stare back at me in the mirror, the biggest thing in the picture. No shirt When I am outside I can feel the sweat gathering underneath them, above them, and between them. It is not a cooling feeling at all, but a sticky one, that leaves me wondering if I am about to get "boob marks" on my shirt.
Oh, and don't even get me started on my bra. I am ALWAYS messing with it. The straps slip. Or the underwire digs. Or the clasp is coming undone. Or the cups are slipping. Honestly, there are days I mess with my bra so much I'm worried that someone in my office is going to sue me for sexual harassment. I try to be discreet, but I can only do so much and still get my job done. I don't think I am wearing the wrong size either, I just think that my bra is channeling the energy of my boobs.
It would be so nice if I could just take my boobs off once in a while. Just hang them in the closet and wear a summer tank top out in public without worrying that I look like a pagan fertility idol. Or go to sleep in the days before my period without wondering if one of those ridiculous boob separators would help me sleep better. Maybe I would even go to the swimming pool without wearing what feels like three ace bandages around my chest, all in the name of decency. Oh, what a glorious day that would be!
Well, I guess it could be worse. I could have balls. I hear those things are a real nightmare.