Tuesday, July 6, 2010

My Destiny

I don't want to upset any of you, but after Wednesday, you'll probably never hear from me again.

Don't worry, I won't be jumping off a bridge, or checking into a mental institution, although I have thought of doing both in the past month. No, you won't be hearing from me because I will simply be too rich to blog any more. That's right, I'm winning the lottery.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Libby, Utah doesn't have a lottery." Well, duh. We also don't have anywhere you can buy cold white wine on a Sunday. This weekend though, I went to a wonderful place where anything is possible: Idaho. And that's where I bought a shit load of cold wine, and solidified my future with the pick of just six little numbers.

Some of you might be chuckling, saying "oh, that Libby," thinking I'm just being "whimsical," and "funny." No. I am dead serious. I am planning on winning the lottery on Wednesday. Every time I pass that ticket hanging on the fridge I count down the hours until our lives totally change. Until we can pay off our student loans. Until we can hire a good contractor to fix the swamp in our backyard. Until we will never have to worry about sending Meg to college. Until I can hire Jillian Michaels to be my friend, and then fire her because she embarrasses me in public.

I would love to keep blogging after I win, really I would, but I think things would just be weird between us then. Not because of the money, I know none of you care if I am rich or poor; but because I plan to get snooty. I mean, really, really snooty. I plan to decant my box wine before I drink it -- that's how snooty I'll be. And I doubt any of you will really want to read about that and how my butler left schmutz all over my sock garters.

I will miss all of you though, after I've won the lottery on Wednesday.





Yeah. See you Thursday.

26 comments:

Chief said...

I am so pulling for you...

Amanda said...

Can I have Meg? She does not need all that luxury in her young life. Luke & I will keep her real.

FabuLeslie said...

As I drove for 3 weeks around that part of the country, I imagined several times buying a lottery ticket in a state where I do not reside, and winning, thereby pissing off all the residents of that state who buy tickets regularly. Now, as you tell that story, I'm thinking I don't play the Texas lottery often enough. As a former resident of Las Vegas, Nevada, I do miss gambling. And I have access to a form of it right here. You should send me the 6 numbers you played and I should play them here. Then surely at least one of us would win, right?

FabuLeslie said...

P.S. There's a good book called Good Luck that I love about a young single woman winning the lottery and then going under cover. I need to get that and read it again... (Sorry, I forget who the author is.)

The Vegetable Assassin said...

No, no, really, I believe you! Because I am winning it EVERY week. Right up until that draw I am TOTALLY winning it. :)

Good luck though. I'm sure you won't be AT ALL disappointed.

You should really win the lottery in Canada anyway, because they don't tax winnings! Of course you'd have to leave it here...OK I didn't think that through AT ALL.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Closest we ever got was five out six numbers in the Florida Lotto. I think that was the extent of my luck. Hopefully you'll be luckier than me.

Riot Kitty said...

Good luck :)

Ash said...

we'll miss ya! ;)

~ash's mum

melistress.com said...

remember the little people.

Dr. MVM said...

I'll still blog after I win it all, if only to let you see how the upper one percent live.

LL Cool Joe said...

Yeah, see you Thursday.

See how you've also forced yourself to blog tomorrow as well? So even more reason to win!

Good luck!

Ca88andra said...

Good luck! I keep hoping to win the lottery but I guess you have to buy a ticket...

Jules said...

I'm sorry. DID YOU JUST SAY YOU CAN'T BUY WINE ON SUNDAYS??????

So.

You live in a state where Sarah Palin likes to visit. AND you can't buy wine on Sundays?

WTF, Libby? WTF?

You HAVE to win the lottery so you can move.

erin said...

You can't buy alcohol in grocery stores here.

Just thought I'd throw that out there.

For no reason whatsoever.

Allison said...

You made my heart stop. No pictures of Meg after Wednesday???

Oh, decanting box wine is snooty? Huh.

Leslie said...

Meg would have the run of Gymboree!

Aunt Becky said...

Well, good luck to you. I will miss you!

Joy said...

Will you at least do facebook? You can write things like "Libby has to let the nanny in AND get a pedicure today. Ugh!"

Rassles said...

"I plan to decant my box wine before I drink it -- that's how snooty I'll be."

I aspire to be as snooty as you will surely be. One day.

Princess Stupidhead said...

who do you think you're fooling? Oh sure, you will have money but your new friends? They won't compare to us by any stretch of the imagination. They won't "get you" like we do. You'll be lonely. You'll be begging us to take you back.

And I will. If you buy me something.

Princess Stupidhead said...

and also? We know your secrets. Like you used to live Utah and you went to Idaho for fun. Yeah, bet you don't want that one getting out. Don't worry, I don't want much. Maybe a really nice purse. Or a cottage at the beach.

Kelly said...

I've never had a millionaire friend before, and I guess I never will....(sniffles and cries...)

BugginWord said...

and? and? and?

Sam said...

What kind of schmutz? Now you've got me intrigued...

Michelle @ Flying Giggles said...

So how did it go? Are you still talking to us? It would be so crazy if you really did win!

dufmanno said...

If you fire Jillian Michaels, can you please use your digital video recorder to save the moment for all of us?