Wednesday, May 12, 2010

You Told Me So

I am not a fan of doctors.

It isn't that I am scared of them, or that I think they are ineffective. I just think most doctors are douchebags. Yes, there are exceptions. My Ob/Gyn. Our friend Andrew. Doctors Zhivago and Doolittle. Actually, scratch those last two, they both have MAJOR issues.

The douchiest of doctors, I have found, work at "urgent care" clinics, or "Instacare." Really, it's as if in the interviews these doctors are asked if they have any sympathy or respect for patients, and, if they answer yes, they are told to find employment elsewhere. The last time I was forced to go to such a clinic I had contracted a parasite in Mexico. I was having my period at the time of my visit, and yet had to answer numerous questions about whether or not I was pregnant. I almost showed him my tampon. I know, gross, but he pushed me.

Last week, when this cold started, I assumed it would just run it's course. I would spit gross things in the shower every morning, snore like Darth Vader at night, and in four days it would be over. And it was -- in a way. The snottiness left, as did the sneeziness, but they were replaced by a headache that would not quit, teeth that felt like they were about to come out, achy ears, and dizziness. Tara said I had a sinus infection. My friend Christy concurred. I scoffed at both, as I had never had a sinus infection, and realized it meant I would have to see a doctor. Oh, and I already knew I wasn't pregnant.

This morning, I knew I had no choice. I wished I could take my head off. I couldn't bend over. Sneezing, coughing, and blood running through my body hurt. I couldn't dry my hair. I went to work, but found myself crying at my desk. I knew what I had to do. I had to seek help -- at Instacare.

I could give you a blow by blow, but that would just be more annoying that the actual visit -- and it was very annoying. When the doctor entered I told her I thought I had a sinus infection, and needed antibiotics. I said my head and upper jaw hurt, and they still hurt even when I took cold medicine. I said I was dizzy. She then explained back to me exactly what I had said, only as if she was showing a two year old how finger puppets work. She then asked to listen to my chest. I told her it hadn't gone into my chest. She then told me my chest was clear. Oh, and added "sweetie" on the end. She was my age.

I could have forgiven all of this if, when I came out of the exam room to get my prescription, she had either looked my way, or said something to me. However, she was too busy dishing about a previous patient (hello, HIPAA) to another doctor, and basically threw my prescription at me over her shoulder.

I wish I had licked all of her pens.

At least she gave me antibiotics. They would be better with Vicodin mixed in, but who am I to complain... No one in her eyes.

Next time I am just calling Andrew.


Ash said...

time to change doctors, i say! i have sinus infection and i need to get it fixed within this year....i hate going to docs as much as you do so i've given myself a nice 7 months timeframe. hehehehe.

did she diagnose you with sinus infection then?

Anonymous said...

You know....if you had told her that you have a cough that is keeping you up at night, she'd have given you cough syrup with vicodin IN it....


Kelly said...

Our doctor's office is in an urgent care office, so if you are sick you can't ever see your own doctor, you just have to be seen by whatever urgent care person is there. I hate it. I'm looking right now for a private practice doctor, that will see all of us, healthy or sick.

just making my way said...

I did the same thing last winter - insisted it was just a cold - and didn't go to the doctor for two and a half weeks. Weird thing is, I don't even have a problem with doctors, I just didn't want to hear that it was "only a cold."
Turns out it was a sinus infection with a double ear infection. Eh, whatcha gonna do.

At least you got some drugs. Sorry they weren't the good kind.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Definitely time to change doctors. No one should be treated like that. I'm so glad you got your antibiotics tho. Sinus infections are the worst; you feel like you've been hit by a truck. Feel Better!

Carlea said...

Oh sure, you caught "parasite in Mexico." Whose name happened to be "Roberto."

Anonymous said...

Doctors are definitely douchebags. Trust me; I know.

My favorite doctor story? Middle of the night hooked up to monitors in the hospital pregnant, pre delivery, and a gung-ho resident wants to do some bizarre testing on me. I screamingly insisted she call my ObyGyn (yeh, she was insistent; yeh, I screamed) to which she replied:
"I am a DOCTOR!!!"
Oh, yeh, I thought, so is Daniel. (He graduated at bottom of hubs' med school class)

Hope you're feeling better...and hope you find a real doctor...when you're well and can wait 14 weeks for the first available appointment!

LL Cool Joe said...

Don't talk to me about doctors! Oh you just did.

I try to stay far, far away from them.

Get well soon!

BugginWord said...

I'm guessing that doc's pens get licked a lot. Be glad you didn't do anything naught with them or you'd be needing a whole other strain of antibiotic. Try this instead:

Aunt Juicebox said...

I hate those places too, but my real dr is 45 minutes away because I like him and if something serious is wrong with me, I prefer to see someone I trust, so I haven't changed my dr. I end up at the urgent care a lot more than I like though, so I'm going to have to just bite the bullet and find a closer dr.

I hope you feel better soon. Sinus infections suck.

China said...

I know what you mean. Seems many docs think that just because they can put MD after their names that they don't have to know anything about "caring" or "service" or "manners" or "humanity" - you get the point. It's all clinical to them. And Drs that treat every patient as if she's stupid - arrgghh. Most doctors only have an average IQ - really.
Informing and patronizing are not synonyms!

Little Girl Big Glasses said...

You totally need to take advantage of your friend, Dr. Andrew, and have him call in Z-Pak scrips at your whimsy. Also Vicodin. Then you'll be healthy, happy and never have to see the inside of an urgent care center again. Unless you're hemorrhaging, but I can't really control that.

Riot Kitty said...

Licked all of her pens?! Why?

Tracie said...

Ugh. I hate going to the doctor. My husband is a pharmacist but he refuses to steal drugs for me. What a jerk.

Summer said...

I have a great PCP, but when she's off preventing malaria in third world countries-- I have to see one of her partners. I hate the bitch. VERY patronizing, which is the last thing you want to deal with when you feel like shit.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I hate doctors too. They always want to send me for a barrage of tests I don't need that cost hundreds of dollars. Hope you are starting to feel better.