Monday, April 12, 2010

Tara in Ten

Today I have a headache, am slightly depressed, and feel like I am developing the gout and/or cirrhosis of the liver. Yes, that's right, Tara was in town this weekend. Now, I could give you a blow by blow account of her visit, running down the activities of each day, or you could just go bang your head against something hard. Instead, I think I will just give you the top ten high points* of her trip.

1. We ate. Oh, how we ate. We went to all of our favorite haunts and are all of our favorite things. Mexican food. Pizza. Pastry. Pasta. Fried cheese. Crazy bread. As we all know calories do not count if you are pregnant or on vacation. Since Tara was both, I took advantage of her extra immunity.

2. We drank. Well, actually I drank. Tara has this whole thing about "fetal alcohol syndrome" so I had to pick up her slack. I can't be sure, but I am pretty sure at one point she yelled "Drink monkey! Drink and dance for me!" as she elted me with wine bottles. I might have just dreamt that though.

3. We beautified. After all, summer is coming, and no one likes to look at ugly toes. While Tara picked a suitable red, I decided to be a little daring and pick a beautiful blue.

Yeah, it looks like a smurf puked on my toes.

4. We conquered her baby registry. No, I did not get her to brave going into an actual Babies R Us. Let's face it, that is not for the faint of heart, even with a newly minted Mom as a guide. You need someone with at least two years experience and maybe a minivan to help navigate that heart of darkness. We did get on the internet though, and set up a registry with enough items to get her through at least the first five days of the baby's life. Then she can send Kent into the belly of the B.R.U.S beast to get anything else needed.

5. We crafted. We had to. We needed an activity for her baby shower, and it was either decorate onesies or make her eat candy bars of diapers. I value my life, so the choice was clear. This is the one I did:

This is the one Tara did:


10. I was mistaken for her mother. At the airport, as she was leaving on Sunday, I helped Tara get her stuff out of the car and to the skycap. The traffic officer came over to tell me to move my car. I said I would, but that I was helping Tara. The woman said that was fine, adding "you're a good Mom." Now, it was early, and no I was not looking all that great, but I did not look like the mother of a 36 year old woman. I have now decided to start mainlining Botox.

Wow, I think those ten points really paint a full picture of the weekend, don't you? The laughter. The tears. The moments when Tara and I realized we are friends because we know just how insane the other person is, and both respect and fear it. Oh, and that soon we will both be responsible for raising children, and that neither one of us is quite sure how we feel about it.

Good times.

And yes, that is how I count to ten.

*The term "high points" is subjective. You may have had other high points. And yes, I know I am using this footnote thing a lot lately. Deal with it.


Sarah P said...

Aw. Nothing like a weekend with a good friend. Sounds perfect!

Kim said...

I have those same stumpy toes! Minus the corpse-like color.

There's nothing like being around someone who gets you, and doesn't judge you when you make a third trip to the buffet. Or drink wine out of a plastic 24 oz tumbler.

Riot Kitty said...

My toes are purple - or in you-speak, a grape threw up on them ;)

Amanda said...

You act like you have never painted your toes blue (Libby secret - she gets them painted blue every damn time she gets a pedicure. Hell, I was fond of black nail polish until my late 20's & I even go for more subtle colors - Libby has maybe four bottles of nail polish in her possession - all of them are blue.)

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

No fair posting your feet. I have a foot fetish. Now I love you even more. Trollop.

Anonymous said...

I was actually a little worried about you, until I read your list! #10 is the only troubling one...please let me know how mainlining botox goes...

She Said said...

Great post.*

*OK, great is relative. For me, I thought it was kick ass. I need a Tara in my life. I have people that get me, but not necessarily all of me all of the time.**

**OK, husbands don't count. Mine gets all of me all of the time.***

***Even when we were mistaken as the parents of a friend of his, so I totally get that "can I SLAP you" moment you must have felt toward that idiot.****

****I mean no disrespect to that person.*****

*****OK, yes I did.

Dual Mom said...

Blue is a great color on toes! Sounds as though you had a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

1. Fetal alcohol syndrome. Like that's real. Isn't it like ADHD?
2. Please don't teach Meg to count.
10. I think you needed to drink more.

G said...

Gotta teach her how to conquer that insidious world of Babies R Us, because what's gonna happen if she steps into a Toys R Us without the proper preparation???


Just a thought from someone whose been there and done that.


Funky shade of blue.

Kelly said...

Love the onesies! I like blue and green toes.

Summer said...

The onesies are awesome! Maybe she thought you were lesbians and was referring to your possible unborn child in Tara's tummy.

Gina said...

It's a good thing she's a good friend - I might have punched her simply for being the one they thought was the daughter.

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine a couple of years ago. We were out for a bachelorette party and we had pins that said bridesmaid, etc. And my one friend wasn't in the wedding and put on a mother of the bride pin to be funny. Except it wasn't funny when people actually believed it. (For HER, actually. The rest of us thought it was hilarious. We're terrible friends.)

Aunt Juicebox said...

Hehe, love the onesies!

Jennifer Lynn said...

Smurf poo....not puke. I love it! Sounds like you had a blast:)

Hippo Brigade said...

My fingernails are that same shade of blue. I think it's very "in" right now. Or at least that's what I've convinced myself.

BugginWord said...

I'm too hungover to read about other people drinking. In other news, trying to give yourself a pedicure while imbibing does not end well. I'd take a photo and show you but technically I'm not supposed to remove the bandages for another week.

msprimadonna67 said...

I love the blue toenails. I'm getting ready to sport purple myself. Gotta love spring!