Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Spawn of Tara

I do not keep secrets well. I am the person who ruins surprise parties, who never gives a gift without asking the recipient if they will like it, and who reads all spoilers available, and then recaps them for people who don't necessarily want to know. However, for the past three months, I have kept a HUGE secret. Tara is totally knocked up.

Yep, that's right. She's got a bun in the oven. She's with child. She's in the family way. She's got a one way ticket to Momville on a placantal pony. In other words, she's pregnant. And I have known the WHOLE time. Since the first pee stick. Since the first panic. Since the moment when her partner said "I don't know what to say. Maybe you should call Libby." Yet, even though I've known, and I am a horrible secret keeper, I haven't said a word.

Okay, maybe that's not entirely true. Maybe I told a few people. I mean, of course I told Ryan, we share a brain. Oh, and I told my Mom. I didn't have to tell my sisters, because my mom told them. Ryan told our friend Lee, who told his wife Julie. I accidentally told our friend Meghan. And our friend Katie. Oh, and our friend Lindsey. Other than that though, I didn't tell anyone, and when you think of the number of people in the world, and how much I like to talk, that's pretty impressive. I mean, she's 17 weeks along by now, and this is the first blog about it. Really, I deserve a secret keeping medal.

If my almost stellar secret keeping ability isn't impressive enough, consider how I got the people who knew the secret to keep the secret that they knew from Tara. She was here over Christmas, and she saw them all. Yet, until this moment, she didn't know that any of them knew. When you think about it, I am really a master of manipulation. I could be a mob boss. I SHOULD be a mob boss. Except, then I would be telling everyone I was in the mob, and that probably wouldn't work out.

So, now you know. Tara is pregnant. Soon, the most sarcastic child ever will be born into the world. You should all be trembling with fear. Oh, and should it not be naturally sarcastic, we will nurture the shit out of it until it is. After all, Meg can't be the only child who learns to roll her eyes before she can walk.

I am so frickin' excited.

15 comments:

Riot Kitty said...

Wow, I thought I was bad! I can keep secrets except surprise b.day stuff. I'm hopeless at that.

ShaLyse Walker said...

The placental pony and a mob boss--- another amazing post.

Jules said...

Yay!!!!!!! Congrats to her!!!!

P.S. I tell people that I'll "try" to keep their secrets. No promises.

G said...

Congrats for being able to keep a secret.

I've been able to keep most secrets in my life, simply because I got that "bartender" type of personality.

And congrats on your friend becoming a mom sometime this upcoming summer.

Kelly said...

Yay for Tara! I suck at secret keeping too. No one tells me anything, and then forget they haven't told me and wonder why I don't know.

kendall said...

It has become accepted in my circle of friends and family that I am incapable of keeping a secret. I argue that this is not so, but nonetheless this is my reputation. I think you did an excellent job of keeping this secret, and please pass on my congratulations to Tara. There just isn't enough sarcasm in this world and I'm grateful there are people like you and Tara keeping the torch lit.

Granny Annie said...

I know you and you are me. Only you are hysterical. What a great, funny, uplifting, empathetic post.

Kim said...

Wow! That is some secret-- I am impressed you kept it within your inner circle.

Um, you haven't told anyone about my little problem, have you? Seriously, we're cool, right?

Allison said...

You don't need stellar secret-keepin' abilities if you can make OTHER people keep secrets for you. That's a brilliant gift.

Congrats to your friend!!

"Placental pony." I thought I was gonna die from laughing.

Aunt Juicebox said...

Well congrats to Tara! =) Make sure you buy her a pooping baby for practice.

Amanda said...

HOORAY!! We no longer need to pretend that we don't know that Tara is pregnant!!
Tara, I am so thrilled for you & Kent!!!

Tara said...

Wow, we've really grown up, haven't we...It seems like just yesterday you weren't keeping secrets about who I had slept with.

P.S. You forgot to include People Accidentally Told While Telling Other People Via Speakerphone.

Ellen said...

Ah! Very happy for you Tara! (and you too Libby)

bflynn said...

My favorite way to describe pregnancy was to say that I had picked up a sexually transmitted parasite.

bflynn said...

My favorite way to describe pregnancy was to say that I had picked up a sexually transmitted parasite.