Monday, February 22, 2010

Cruel Shoes

I do not shop for shoes often. I am allergic to leather, which means I cannot just walk into a store and pick up a cute pair of slingback heels without worrying about my skin flaking off. Once I find shoes that don't make me itch, I stick with them until they are out of production. Currently, most of my shoe shopping is done in bulk, online, or in bulk, at the Crocs outlet.

However, there is a shoe siren calling me. The future of forward foot fashion. Her name? Zigi Soho.

Do you want the vibe of a dominatrix, but also need somewhere to put change for the bus?

Look no further. Zigi Soho.
Do you miss the style of "Three's Company" in the days before Mr. Farley came along and gayed it all up? Are you looking for a way to express that love on your feet? Do you enjoy strappy sandals that could cause your death if you fall off of them?

BAM! Zigi Soho!


Enjoyed the movie "Avatar"? I mean, like paint yourself blue, trying to learn the language enjoyed it? Enjoy really jangly ankle bracelets? Enjoy having your feet slightly irritated and tickled by your feet.

Get ready to walk the Oscar red carpet... with your date Zigi Soho.

Oh, and what about those times when you just need a little boost? A SIX INCH BOOST! You could just get circus stilts, but those aren't very fancy. After all, you want to be tall AND fashionable. You could go with shoes that have metal studs on them, but hey, go big or go home. You need metal studs AND fake diamonds. Oh, and it would be awesome if the shoe could be used as a weapon, wouldn't it?

I think I know who can help you. Zigi Soho.



Of course, there are some times that you just don't want to be fancy. You just want to relax in some jeans and maybe a nice pair of ballet flats. Nothing flashy, nothing too constrictive.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding? ZIIIIGIIII SOOOOOHOOOO!


After seeing these shoes, I am really thinking about buying some aquarium gravel and taping it to my Crocs. Or maybe some razor blades attached by grocery store twist ties.

I just hope that bitch Zigi Soho doesn't steal my ideas first...

12 comments:

Cate said...

The boys and I would happily make you a pair of shoes.

Tara said...

So that's what you were doing in my closet with your camera phone.

Kelly said...

Those are so ugly...

Dual Mom said...

Ok I have to admit, the first pair of sandals...yeah I'd wear them. C'mon with a cute sundress, they'd be the bomb.

The rest are just fugly.

And allergic to leather? Seriously?

Little Girl Big Glasses said...

I don't wear any heel higher than the one on a pair of Dansko clogs, and then I'm all "Whoa...I'm so tall now...I can see on top of stuff...I'm going to fall over!" So I can't imagine walking around in most of those.

Please do hot glue some pheasant feathers on your Crocs.. I must see that. And please change Meg's middle name to Zigi.

Kim said...

All my shoes must take minimum effort to put on, so as not to interfere with me rushing out to fight fires.

Emily-Ione said...

I have a shoe addiction , but none the less I am perpetually amazed by the level of ugly that is out there in the show world.

Waiting Lisa said...

Wow, I am impressed with your collection of ugly shoe photos. Good work.

I have never worn high heels in my life. I don't understand why people torture themselves like that.

Summer said...

Those last ones are an abomination!

Aunt Juicebox said...

I'm so lazy about shoes. I used to have a different pair for every occasion but now, I have running shoes for cold weather and sandals for warm weather, and I've the same pair of Birks for 7 years. I recently bought a pair of black boots with this HUGE platform heel and I'm afraid to wear them.

msprimadonna67 said...

LOVE the zippered boots!

review said...

I gotta hand it to whoever wrote this, you've really kept me updated! Now, let's just hope that I can come across another blog just as interesting :)



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