Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A "Farmer"

You can't go to the liquor store in Utah without running into someone you know. It's a proven fact. If you have lived in the state for longer than six months, and been somewhat sociable, and enjoy drinking, you will see someone you know when you buy alcohol. The reason is simple: there aren't that many liquor stores, and there aren't that many drinkers. Oh, and the people who drink usually run in the same circles. That makes it an almost mathematical certainty. I'm not saying that you will always run into your best friend (although that did happen to Tara and myself a surprising number of times before she left the state), I am just saying that it will be SOMEONE you know. And in that meeting, you never know what you are going to learn.

On Friday I was at the liquor store when I ran into a boy (now man) who I went to elementary school with. We both did that side eye "I think I know you thing" until it dawned on us how we were acquainted and we decided to say "hello." He looks almost exactly the same as he did in elementary school, except that he is taller, has a scraggly goatee and decided the "aging hippie" look is for him. We did the basic family catch up, and then I asked what he had been up to.
"Oh, well, I'm a farmer," he said.
"A farmer? Here?"
"No, actually, my farm is in Hawaii."
"Oh, that must be nice," I was starting get suspicious. "What do you farm?"
His answer was excellent: "Oh, you know, whatever I can."
I'm guessing that his crop is best enjoyed with a large bag of Doritos, and is beloved by people in California suffering from "back pain."

God bless the liquor store. Not only does it provide alcohol, but blog fodder as well. It almost makes me want to drink my wine faster just to see who I'll run into next time...


KAM said...

"Whatever I can..." That is pretty hilarious. How did you get out of there without cackling loudly?

Janine@Shelf Life said...

A farmer. Now that is better than my usual "I am not working currently, but back in the states I was a very well known puppeteer."

Thanks. I'm putting this in my little notebook of cocktail party conversation starters.

Kim said...

Actually, this is a cause I champion. (Because I am such a humanitarian and women's rights activist--wha?) I think pot should be legal, and I don't even smoke it. I just think that it's a lot less harmful and less addicting than alcohol and prescription drugs. A drunk is a lot more likely to be violent and their motor skills are far more affected than someone smoking pot. Really, there are way bigger threats facing this country and we waste a lot of money and jail space prosecuting this crime.

You didn't think I could write that much without saying vagina or fuck, did you?

calicobebop said...

lol... whatever I can - in HAWAII! Must be nice!

Amanda said...

To whom did you run into?

Anonymous said...

I think I know that "farmer." He's got some good Maui Wowie.

Dual Mom said...

I love Kim's comment, must check her out.

And our liquor store is the exact same way! It's quite amusing.

Huh, I have a huge empty field behind my house .... I so should "farm" it.

Heather said...

I thought my husband was in Vegas this week, I didn't realize he'd made a sideline trip to Utah. Or that you went to grade school with him.

I could give Kim some anecdotes about what chronic chronic smoking does do to your brain, but alas it's not my cause to champion.

Pass the wine.

Tara said...

I didn't know they called themselves farmers. Awesome tidbit. Haha!