Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Cats Vs. Babies

My husband thinks the kitten is trying to kill our daughter -- and I am starting to believe him.

I have had cats my entire life. When I was born, my parents already had three cats, and the number grew and shrank throughout my childhood. My family had cats when my little sister was born, when all of my cousins (whom my Mom babysat) were born, and when Luke was born. All of those children survived. So, I think you can imagine my surprise, when Ryan and I learned we were having a baby, he informed me that cats are the number one cause of infant death. Oh, and he wasn't kidding.

I thought that my incredulous looks and eye rolling would stop Ryan from furthering the conversation, but he just kept telling me about how cats kills babies. Apparently, in his world, cats are attracted to the warmth of babies, and will climb into their cribs and smother them in order to enjoy it. I don't know if they lay on their faces, or just put their little paws over the baby's mouth and nose -- and Ryan wasn't sure either. He was sure though, that they are the killers. He wouldn't even retreat from his position when I pointed out that I am (kinda) in the media, and surely would have heard of cats killing babies at least once if it were true. At that point I really thought he was going to accuse me of being part of a huge conspiracy backed by Meow Mix.

Now, though, I am beginning to believe such a conspiracy exists. And Olive is its leader.

She is EVERYWHERE. She sleeps in her swing, her bassinet, her crib, her stroller, and her bouncy seat (yeah, we have a lot of baby shit). When Meg is in the exersaucer Olive is laying at her feet. When Meg is in her high chair, Olive is trying to get in her lap to eat any crumbs that may drop -- even though Meg doesn't eat yet.

I think the only saving grace is the fact that, while Olive likes to be places Meg was, or close to where she is, she doesn't actually seem to like Meg. If Meg looks at her, she runs the other way. If Meg tries to touch her, Olive runs as if on fire. And then she attacks Sally. Maybe she's just confused and thinks Sally is the baby.

Or maybe she is just biding her time. I really hope not though. I would really miss Meg, almost as much as I would hate telling Ryan he was right.


Anonymous said...

Can you see a cat with his paws over the baby's mouth, "You will not take my place, Baby!!"

I'm guessing it's the warmth.... Or the smell??? You know how cats are with their smelling of things.

KAM said...

We had 3 cats when Mack was born, and they constantly were in everything. One of them even tried for quite awhile to sleep in her crib. Drove me crazy, nothing like having kitty hair all over your baby and baby's things.

But it comes with having pets, Olive will steer clear of Meg after the first time Meg smears something all over her, and Olive has to groom herself for hours getting it all off. I think Mack got all 3 cats with a super slimy biter biscuit, they left her alone after that.

Badass Geek said...

Cats are evil.


erin said...

I'm not being super negative but when olivia was born me and my ex had to get rid of the cat. He somehow kept getting out of the basement at night and would wind up sitting on her chest in her crib or bassinet. It was horrible. And if we succeeded at keeping him in the basement I had to have Olive in sight all day long cause he was giant and would not stop draping himself over her at every chance.

My grandma once told me that you have babies or pets and sometimes the two cross paths, but never for the better. (She's totally anti-animal though. And kind of evil).

Aunt Juicebox said...

My cat HATES my daughter. She sits in her seat just to make her mad, lays on her papers, books, whatever. If my daughter tries to move her she hisses or smacks at her. Ok, so the truth is, she does the same thing to everyone but me. But it's particularly hilarious with my daughter, because it's like a sibling rivalry between the two. However, my daughter is 16, not an infant (which would make it not funny).

Amanda said...

I was really hoping for a post about hoof & mouth.

Summer said...

My grandmother (mom of 13)always said cats were dangerous around babies too. I'm not sure if that's a wives tale or what. Same as Ryan, she said cats like the warmth and the formula/milk smell. I'm allergic to cats, so I have no experience in these matters. :) However, I think it's hilarious Olive runs away when Meg looks at her.

Sarah Bellum said...

Let Ryan know that you're cat doesn't count as a kid killer. I'm not convinced your cat isn't a robot. I'm allergic to cats and didn't die at your house, therefore cat=robot.

Pugs are the real killer. If they don't smother kids with farts they steal all the food and the kid starves. Maybe it's a good thing I don't have kids yet.

Kim said...

I fear for Olive, not Meg. We had to give Little Kitty (whom we got after Big Kitty) to a friend because when Jay was a toddler he terrorized her like a mini Godzilla. He didn't hurt her, but Little Kitty had a nervous condition already, and was also agoraphobic. She liked to hide in cabinets and he thought it was a game to find her and roar at her. By the time Jay was 3, Little Kitty was already hooked on valium.

Tara said...

Show Ryan this:

Cats HARDLY EVER kill babies. Ferrets nibbling off baby's toes?.... well you're not hippies so you don't need to worry about that.

It is, however, shockingly easy to conjure up the image of a kitty pressings it's soft, pink paws over the wee one's nose and mouth...

Just saying.

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