Monday, October 5, 2009

It's Snot Funny

I grew up here in Utah, which means that I started babysitting immediately after I passed the age when I needed a babysitter myself. My first babysitting job was at the ripe old age of 11, for my cousin Elliott, who lived a block away. My parents always made sure they were home if I needed help, but after a year or two, and no noticeable physical or emotional scars on E-boy they let me branch out, and babysit for kids not related to me.

I think what made me a great babysitter was the fact that very little grossed me out. Poopy diapers? No big deal. Wet pants? Whatever. Vomiting? I pretended I was in the "Exorcist." I didn't even mind cleaning up after pets, as I learned one night when family's Husky got skunked. I covered my nose, grabbed some V-8 and made it into a game for me and the kids. Really, in all my years dealing with children, only one thing made my stomach turn and had me recoiling in horror: the snotty nose. And this week, I had to face my fears head on.

I mentioned last week that I had a cold. Well, since Ryan, Meg and I live in a space smaller than most shoe boxes, Meg now has it too. She doesn't have a fever, she isn't unhappy, but, man, is she a snot face. She can't lie down, or else she sounds like the star of "Cujo." She eats, but now at least twice a bottle she erupts in coughs as she realizes she can either eat or breathe, but can't do both at once. Oh, and tummy time is out right now. Well, I guess we could do it, if we don't mind cleaning up puddles of mucous and knowing our infant is plotting our deaths.

I would love to say that because the snot was coming out of the nose of my beautiful daughter I was not grossed out. I would love to say that. I would also love to say I weigh 120 pounds. However, neither are true. The first time I had to wipe Meg's nose I had to stifle a gag. All yesterday, and for most of today, Ryan handled the saline dispensing, and nose sucking duties. I focused on keeping her upright, fed, and smiley.

This afternoon though, Ryan wasn't home. And the snot needed to come out.

I don't really want to focus on the details. If you have ever read "Heart of Darkness" you already know them anyway. Suffice to say saline was used, mucous came out, there was wiping, a little whimpering, and in the end both Meg and I were smiling once again. Oh, and no wine or pain killers were used, or even wanted. Well, I guess I can only speak for me, Meg may have been wishing for Xanax. She got a bottle though, and that seemed to be enough for her.

I guess if it wasn't, at least she and Elliott will have something to talk about at family reunions. I mean, other than about how awesome I am.

13 comments:

Jules said...

You are my new hero! You can handle snot AND vomit! BOTH gross me out. And I've had to handle both as if they are nothing with my students.... I'm about to vomit just thinking about it.....

Summer said...

Snot doesn't necessarily bother me, but I don't do boogers. I can't hang. My three sons and husband think it's hilarious to chase me around with a stray booger. I usually end up crying.

Isn't it funny that our parents let us babysit at a young age, and we were good at it. This day and age, I won't leave my boys with a 16 yr old for over 2 hours. Pre-teens and teens are so distracted that it's dangerous.

erin said...

The snotty nose is just a fact of life for us. Winter comes and Jeremiah and I are as covered in snot as the kids are (their snot, not ours).

I can't deal with the poop though. I mean, I have to deal with it everyday...but I feel sick and lightheaded every single time.

Kim said...

I guess you've never seen your husband blow a snot rocket before. According to Jason all men do it so if you deny it my marriage may be in jeopardy.

Kelly said...

I can handle pretty much anything, but under no circumstances can I handle the dreaded "VOM." I just can't do it, no matter what. Even baby spit up, usually had me near convulsions, good thing neither of my kids were real spitters. The "VOM" is most certainly Dad's job....

"shivers"

Karlyn said...

I was gagging just reading. Almost barfed. I am so sorry. I remember longing for the day that they could blow and wipe their noses all by themselves.

Simply Mags said...

Vomit terrifies me. The sound of someone heaving makes me run, no bolt, the other way......I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit just thinking about this. Bleah!

Sam said...

Mmmm...Xanax. Oh wait, got a little distracted there for a moment. You are lucky she lets you touch her snot. I have to BEG for snot access and sometimes I am totally shut down. But we are clearly not twins in this area. I'd rather be immersed in gallons of snot than deal with any of those other abject liquids you mentioned. ;) Hope you're all feeling better soon.

Grumble Girl said...

Actually, nothing makes me happier than getting a crusty booger dislodged from one of my kids' nostrils. It's so satisfying... and snot doesn't bother me much if it ends up in a kleenex where it belongs, and not, say, smeared across the face to dry like a shiny snail trial. Gross. I have to breathe deeply during someone else's vomiting though. Nast. Between these kids and this dog, I've cleaned up more piss, poop and puke that a person ever should. I think I'm pretty immune now. Still, the thought of puke makes me retch a little bit... good on ya for making it through, lady!

Aunt Juicebox said...

I totally can't handle vomit. I was so lucky though, my daughter only threw up as a young child only twice, and once was when she was with her dad. And by twice, I mean two single, separate incidents. Seriously, it was awesome. I can't even deal with cat puke. Ugh.

Lulu said...

omg. Phlegm. Phlegmmmm.. Flegma, as a former co-worker mispronounced it. Phlegmmmmmmmmm. Even the word is bad. I could never ever be a respiratory therapist.

I feel your slime - er.. your pain.

aghhghg ick.

Knucklehead said...

Nothing screams "parenthood" like cleaning up bodily fluids, eh? Found you through Mr. Condescending. Nice writing! Loved the "I'd also like to say that I weigh 120 pounds" line.

just making my way said...

I have always said it's amazing what you get used to once you become a parent. Poop, snot, vomit. I hardly blink an eye anymore.