Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Do I Stink?

I have not bought deodorant in at least five years. No, it isn't that I don't need it, or that I am one of those people who believes rubbing a crystal on my pits is all the protection I need, it's that the last time I bought deodorant, I bought it at Costco, so I got a 24 pack. Since I only put on deodorant once, maybe twice a day, it has lasted me a while. Last week though, I ran out, scraped the last bit of Secret spring fresh solid out of the container, and decided it was time to explore my options. And, oh, how the options have changed.

I don't know if you all have noticed this, but apparently, over the past five years, people have gotten stinkier. Sweatier. Grosser. Or at least, that is the impression I got after perusing the deodorant options now available. I mean, that's the only explanation for the huge spate of "clinical strength" options now available. Every brand has one, promising to protect you from sweat like lilac scented armor. Oh, that's right, all of the clinical strength options are all for women. I guess it's still okay for men to sweat.

I actually considered buying one of the "super" deodorants. After all, there have been days, especially this past summer, when my pits have been far from Sahara dry. I mean, I don't sweat like a comic flopping in a sauna, but there have been days when small circles have been visible under my arms. I started to worry. Could that mean that I am in the need of "clinical strength"? Has my current deodorant stopped working and I am cluelessly spreading stink? Would Meg end up with the smelly hippie Mom? Was Secret Super Duper Ultra the only thing that could help me?

I was actually starting to sweat over my choice of deodorant.

Luckily, I pulled my head out of my pits. I realized that this was probably just a new marketing technique, and that I have enough time staying hydrated, so I don't need aluminum compounds pulling out what little moisture is present in my body. Also, I just don't have room for another type of crazy. If I start worrying about my pits I will have to stop paying attention to my eyebrows, or my toenails, or that one weird hair that grows out of my nipple. These are crazies that have been cultivated over years, and I can't just toss them aside because Procter and Gamble had a product meeting.

Maybe they'll come up with something by 2014. That's when I will probably need deodorant again. Yep, that's right, I went back to Costco.

12 comments:

Janine said...

It is a marketing technique once again designed to make us feel dirty/fat/un"fresh etc.

I had a deodorant experience recently too - I was looking for one that WASN'T so strong. I don't really sweat that much. I saw what you saw - all heavy duty/clinical/big guns type of antiperspirants. (there are no simple deodorants anymore)

Anyway, not to gross you out, but I had an underarm rash and so I wanted to try something different, so I tried not a crystal but rubbing alcohol. Guess what. It works. And I carry around a little spray bottle of it just in case I need to reapply but seriously. It's amazing. Of course I ask Dave to smell my pits regularly and to be honest and he has confirmed that it's indeed working. So there you go and no I do not wear Birkenstocks.

erin said...

I don't put on deodorant every day, but when I use it I use the 'old fashioned' regular baby powder Suave that I've been using for 15 years.

I don't know that I've ever smelled like B.O. before in my life...even after working out or giving birth. Maybe it's what people eat?

I've heard that before.

melistress said...

Won't it be nice when companies market a product in such a way as to enhance your current level of perfection? Why do they always have to make us feel less than human to sell a product? Maybe I should use Dove. I don't know.

I don't think you are stinky.

just making my way said...

Seriously laughing over the things you cannot toss aside to over-worry about your pits.

I got some of that clinical stuff once - cause I'm a sucker. I didn't realize you were supposed to put it on at night. I just couldn't get used to doing that - next time I'll just mail P&G a check.

Chief said...

I truly think that some smell stronger on some people while they don't smell as potent on others. Deoderant is crazy though, sometimes I need deoderant to cover up my deoderant. Why does this keep spell checking that word. I refuse to look up the correct spelling

Aunt Juicebox said...

I actually buy the Secret clinical strength. I don't want to, but I bought it the summer before last when it was so freaking hot here, and I thought, I'd use it just for the summer, and guess what? Now I can't stop. If I try to use regular deodorant, I end up stinking. Not kidding. It's ridiculous. I've even bought other brands of deodorant with a higher percentage of active ingredient, and they don't work. I have no idea what to do about it. I can't go cold turkey, because, well, eww. But I don't want to go broke buying this stuff.

Cate said...

Yes, yes you do stink.

Jules said...

They've gotten MORE than a little crazy with the whole deodorant thing. It makes my head spin. I go in and look for my one kind. That's it. I don't even look around.

Miss Yvonne said...

I am one of those that could probably use a clinical strength deodorant. But there is no way I'm paying more than $3 for it, so my cheap self will just have to sweat it out until then.

Millennium Housewife said...

That really made me laugh, I don't use it either, I can't smell myself and don't really mind if other people can. You don't want to sit next to me on the bus.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

I hadn't noticed the men's crap is basic as if we smell worse. The hell?!

kendall said...

I had a similar experience recently, but with tampons. I ran out of my massive box of plain-old, reliable cardboard applicator Tampax purchased at Costco over a year ago, and now apparently all I can get is Tampax Pearl. Sounds kinda kinky, actually...