Monday, July 27, 2009

Animal Kingdom No More

I thought Sally would be happy about Meg's arrival. After all, with a baby in the house it is exponentially less likely that will we torture her ever again in order to wish our friends and family happy holidays. Also, I know that Sally is a big fan of all dropped food, and is well aware that kids are the biggest provider. While Meg does not yet look like a kid, I thought Sally, being the brilliant dog she is, would know that Meg is in the larval food dropper stage. I really thought Sally would be happy.

Oh, how wrong I was.

Sally, it turns out, is not a baby dog. Now, she isn't one of those rabid baby hating dogs that some
are, tearing apart rooms and posing a threat to children. No, Sally is much more aloof and calculating than that. Her approach has been that if she ignores Meg, she will go away. For the past 19 days Sally has looked directly at Meg a total of 4 times. She has sniffed her butt three times -- which I took as a good sign -- until, after the last approach, Sally curled up her lips like she had just smelled the core of hell.

While Sally ignores Meg, she does let us know just how she feels, albeit in her own way. When Meg cries at night Sally gets off the bed, tossing us a "that's your problem" look as she goes. She also (save for one occasion, documented for the courts below) refuses to sit/lay with the person holding the baby. That person is covered by an invisible baby shield in her mind until Meg is put down -- even if said person is holding chicken as well. Yes. Sally is willing to ignore chicken for her cause. Her resolve is that strong.

There are really only two things Sally likes about Meg: formula and stuffed animals. Sally is a big lover of milk, mostly of the cereal bowl on Sunday mornings. This last Sunday Ryan decided to have a sandwich instead, so there was no milk, but there was a bit of formula left into the bottle. Into the bowl it went, and Sally found a new favorite. Now she licks the sheets, and the burp clothes whenever she smells it on the cloth. I think she would lick Megs lips -- if she were actually to admit Meg exists.

Of course, the fact that Meg does not exist in Sally's mind means that all of the stuffed animals being brought into the house are for dog use only. For the most part we have been good about keeping them away from becoming Sally's bitches, putting them into the crib where Meg will eventually sleep. However, the other night we got a little sloppy. Ryan's brother and his wife brought over an enormous white bear. We set it in the child bouncy seat, and then left the house for dinner. When we came back it was all over.

We just let her have it. It was easier that way. Also, we figured it was a small price to pay considering that Sally is reacting the best out of any of the animals. One of the cats, Alice, placed a perfectly severed mouse head on the porch the day after Meg was born. The worst part? No gift receipt. At least he brought a present though. Our other cat, Rita, couldn't figure out how to write a formal letter of complaint about the baby, so she just peed in her room. We have since put up a baby gate at the door. People come over and ask if we are already baby proofing. We respond that we are just asshole cat proofing.

I think all of them will start to appreciate Meg when we bring the chimpanzee home next week. We don't really want one, but it's cheaper than finding a nanny...


Chief said...

I have say, Sally is an amazing animal.

I had the best dog God ever created until I brought home my first kid. The dog killed a mouse, brought it in and placed it under the bassinet where he promptly lifted his leg and peed on it's dead carcass.

I have stalked but not commented for some time. I think your daughter is beautiful and I am thrilled for you!

LB @Wait, She Said What? said...

Hilarious post!

Janine said...

Oh, poor Sally. She's just acting like an older sibling, which she kind of is really. She'll come around, and even like the baby until the baby can chase her then maybe not so much.

Severed mouse head. Yeah, cats aren't very subtle.

Aunt Juicebox said...

LOL Animals! Well at least you already have a taste of the strange things children like to do as they get older. Think of your pets as having been a little pre-kid practice.

Rassles said...

Cats really are assholes, aren't they?

calicobebop said...

OMG - SALLY! The bear?!? I hope her digestive track isn't too messed up...

BTW, I have something for you over my blog! :)

JennyMac said...

Love that top pic..and oh, those sad eyes on the bottom one. I experienced this when we brought out baby home...our dog even faked a limp for three weeks. Certified from vet: NO INJURY.