Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Tara is Trying to Kill Me

Today I was driving along, almost dying of a coughing fit, when my phone starting buzzing and just would not stop. I picked it up to see who it could be. It was Tara, and apparently she was desperately trying to get a hold of me.

Tara: Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Are you there? Hey. Are you there?

Me (trying to text and drive, which I know is very dangerous, but if my friend needs me, I am there): What?

Tara: Do you remember the time that cocktail waitress told you we had stiffed her and started crying making you feel bad and so you gave her more money.

Me: Yes. (Of course I remember that little bitch. Ryan and I were the last ones to leave the restaurant when she came to our table to asked if service had been okay. When we said it had, she burst into tears and said she didn't understand the shitty tip then. Well, we didn't know what other people had left on their tickets, so we just gave her more money. It was only after talking to friends later that I realized we had been played, and she had gotten a 75% percent tip. Her face is burned in my brain, and I will find her again. Oh, yes I will.)

Me: Why do you ask?

Tara: No reason. Ahhh. Good times.

This was when I started laughing, and coughing, and then really coughing, and almost sideswiped a cop. Sally looked over at me as if to say "woah." I had to pull to the side of the road until I could breathe.
Then I pulled a napkin out of the glove compartment and wrote on it: "If Tara causes my death my promise to her she could have my CDs is null and void." I am pretty sure that makes it legal.

P.S. She totally gave me permission to use that picture.


Tara said...

That's my favorite picture. And I never really wanted your Duran Duran box set anyway.

Tara said...

Oh - P.S. remember that time that kids kept coming to Jane's door trick or treating and none of us had thought to get any candy so we started giving them singles? Oh, money, you fix everything.

Tara said...

P.P.S. when I saw that title, I was afraid you had found that receipt from Acme for the giant anvil..but I guess this was about something else...so, never mind.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock said...

*snort* Duran Duran.

Hey, remember that time when we drove past that pack of teenage punkwads on skateboards and I shouted "HARD SALAMI!" and "WATCH OUT FOR TROUSER TROUT!" in that deep-throated way while grinning and staring wide-eyed at them like we were batshit crazy? Oh wait, that was me. Last week.

Yeah I'm 33, so what.

Captain Dumbass said...

I love that that was your last thought before potentially dying.