Today I was driving along, almost dying of a coughing fit, when my phone starting buzzing and just would not stop. I picked it up to see who it could be. It was Tara, and apparently she was desperately trying to get a hold of me.
Tara: Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Are you there? Hey. Are you there?
Me (trying to text and drive, which I know is very dangerous, but if my friend needs me, I am there): What?
Tara: Do you remember the time that cocktail waitress told you we had stiffed her and started crying making you feel bad and so you gave her more money.
Me: Yes. (Of course I remember that little bitch. Ryan and I were the last ones to leave the restaurant when she came to our table to asked if service had been okay. When we said it had, she burst into tears and said she didn't understand the shitty tip then. Well, we didn't know what other people had left on their tickets, so we just gave her more money. It was only after talking to friends later that I realized we had been played, and she had gotten a 75% percent tip. Her face is burned in my brain, and I will find her again. Oh, yes I will.)
Me: Why do you ask?
Tara: No reason. Ahhh. Good times.
This was when I started laughing, and coughing, and then really coughing, and almost sideswiped a cop. Sally looked over at me as if to say "woah." I had to pull to the side of the road until I could breathe. Then I pulled a napkin out of the glove compartment and wrote on it: "If Tara causes my death my promise to her she could have my CDs is null and void." I am pretty sure that makes it legal.
P.S. She totally gave me permission to use that picture.
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