Monday, June 8, 2009

Not Amused

I am with Luke and Amaya today at the local amusement park -- Lagoon. I swear to God people morph into hicks the second they walk through the gates. I don't see these types of people anywhere else, except maybe the fair. It makes me wonder how I appear to others while I am visiting this vat of humanity. Has my shirt gotten tighter? My pants, shorter? My hair, bigger? I do feel like I am covered in some sort of film, but that could be the snow cones the kids have insisted on having, but that they don't want to hold.

I really wish I could show you some of the sights I am seeing. I mean, the parenting moments alone are priceless. TWICE I have heard someone say "I will give you something to cry about." Unfortunately, I forgot my camera.

Of course, my lack of photographic equipment has afforded me the opportunity to play some of my favorite games. The first, of course, is "Your Team." You play it by pointing out the people who are on other people's teams. For instance, teens making out in inappropriate places are all over the park, and they are all on Tara's team. Kids pouting, while wearing black, and cursing their parents for making them come on a family outing are all on Ryan's team -- especially if they are carrying a book. Oh, and anyone who has spilled on their shirts in an overly conspicuous way is wearing a "Team Libby" jersey.

My other favorite game is "Rocker Couple or Lesbian Couple." This one takes more skill. You come up behind a couple, preferably mulleted (easy to find at any amusement park) and make your guess. I would say I am right 60 percent of the time. Oh, and before you scoff, try playing. Like whack-a-mole, it is harder than you think. Eventually I am hoping to find a Rocker Lesbian Couple, and then I will die happy.

Oh, and I have developed a new game today -- "Which One is the Mom." You see, here in Utah, people breed young, which means there are lots of multi-generational clans. So, what I do is a pick a family pack with one or more strollers, and try to pick the Moms. Once again, not as easy as it looks. You know what, though? Seeing an obvious mother and daughter pair, each with their own baby, made it all worth while...

All I can hope is that eventually I get out of here, hopefully with my dignity, and bank account, in tact. That second one might be more difficult, since I am with two children, and have a "sucker" sign on my forehead.

Okay, gotta go on the log flume. Yes, I have typed this entire post while waiting in line.


Amanda said...

That was fantastic! Thank you so much for taking him today, as Lagoon, like most public places unleashes a cross between panic & contempt that is not pretty. If I get it at places like Target (you know, the happiest place on earth) then Lagoon is cursed.

Thanks again Lib - and thanks for making the mopey goth kids be on Ryan's team. However, the super rockers - you know, the ones who know that the Dokken world tour is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER, are all on Em's team. That is is the way it has always been & that is how it will always remain.

Yellow Trash Diaries said...

The lesbians can be on my team-- what can I say, the lesbians love me.
Also, maybe a mullet would improve my current look.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock said...

Just last week I saw a lesbian couple riding around on a Harley. Totally Rocker Lesbians! :) They looked a little rough, so I don't know if I'd want them on my team (I'm a total wimp-noodle and scare very easily). But I thought you might be pleased to know that I joined Team Libby while reading your blog. Spilled pasta right on my right boob. Gotta love it.

Oh, who am I kidding... I've been a member of Team Libby every day for the past 33 years.

Janine said...

You know these parks have always made me depressed and I didn't realize it until now but it was these people - these Amusement Park People - who were responsible for my depression. I do believe that at one point in my life I wondered if I was at risk for living a similar life, a life of mullets and age inappropriate clothing and yearly vacations at fairs and carnivals.

Ok, I can't think about this anymore. It's just too sad.

Emily-Ione said...

Why do I get the butt rockers? What did I do to deserve them?

Mandy Then gets all the girls wearing their bikini tops as TOPS......
"That's hot".

I would also like to note that my anti spam verification word is "quack".
Nuff said.

Dana's Brain said...

I am so on Team Libby.

I am also very impressed that you typed this post while in line. You are a serious multi-tasking goddess!