Wednesday, May 6, 2009

An Open Letter to Kirstie Alley

Dear Kirstie,

Remember when you were an actress? Yeah, so do I. I liked you so much better then.
Now you have morphed into this big narcissistic ball of weight obsession, and it just is not becoming. All you do is talk about why you gained the weight, how you lost the weight, how you felt about losing the weight, how you cried about gaining the weight, and how other people should feel about you losing/gaining the weight.

It is so boring I want to scream.

Yes, I know that we are a nation obsessed with weight, and that every time you admit to gaining/losing a pound you get the cover of People. Really though, is this what you want to be known for? Is this what you want your legacy to be? The fat actress who stopped being an actress so she could rake in the cash just being fat? I mean, I guess that would be fine for some who didn't have any talent (cough, cough, Carnie Wilson), but as I recall you actually had some. You were even good in those ridiculous movies with the talking baby.

But what has she lost?

I know there are people who are encouraging you to stay on this path, saying that your struggle with weight makes them "appreciate you more" because they can "relate" to you. Don't listen to them. What they are really trying to say is "I don't feel as bad for myself because there is someone famous I can ridicule." Also, why should you care if you are "relate" to normal people? Normal people don't win Emmys, or hang out with Oprah. They sit at home and write stupid blogs about celebrities while feeling their asses grow.

Kirstie, now it's up to you. Either you can keep riding this weight loss gravy train, eating gravy, and sink into mediocrity, or you can rise, like a phoenix from the ashes, say "I don't care what I weigh" and be an actress again (and don't give me that "no one will hire me" thing, Liza Minelli got a fresh start, and so can you). Oh, and if you pick the second one, you can't tell us about how you've picked the second one in a multi-page "Okay" magazine spread. Choosing integrity means actually choosing it.

Best of luck,



Janine said...

Amen. Also, I think you (Kirstie) are a little insane.

Cate said...

I don't care about Kirstie. I miss the sad fish.

Miss Yvonne said...

My husband says he prefers the chubby Kirstie to the skinny one. This is why I love him.

But she needs to shut up already about it and go get some legit work.

Amanda said...

Way to cave to Cate. Read your letter to Kirstie Alley. Replace weight with web layout.