Monday, February 16, 2009

Worry Lines

I always looked forward to getting wrinkles. Of course, that was before I started getting them. Now they are a pain in the ass, and I am currently re-evaluating my "skin care needs" to minimize them while also getting rid of the acne that is now crowding my face. Yeah, acne and wrinkles, that's real fair, God. Depeche Mode was right about you. Okay, but back to the wrinkles.

I used to look forward to them because I read somewhere (probably an Oil of Olay ad) that you can tell the kind of life a person has had by what wrinkles are the most prominent. I always pictured myself with (light) smile lines around my eyes, and (barely visible) laugh lines near my mouth. People would look at me and envy the joy I must have experienced, and feel bad about their own lives. And that would make me smile more. Those are the wrinkles I wanted. These are the wrinkles I am getting:

Yeah, those wrinkles aren't going to make people jealous. They aren't going to make people reflect on the life of frivolity and fun I must have been living. These wrinkles are going to make people think I was a grumpy old woman before I was thirty, and that I spent my life saying "what the fuck?" And, no, I don't care if that's the truth, it's not the image I want to project.

Now, there are many things I can do to stop the wrinkles from deepening, including paying someone to inject food borne pathogens into my forehead, or spending millions of dollars of creams that contain koala foreskin. I had a friend in high school who's Mom put scotch tape between her eyes to remind her not to furrow her brow. That would only require a trip to Office Depot and my dignity. I am going to try something different though. Something more daring. Something more unexpected. I am going to be more positive.

Don't get too scared, I am not going to become Pollyana. I hated that bitch. I am just going to try not to go into situations expecting to be pissed. I am going to try and look at the positives, and not focus on the negatives -- no matter how funny they may be. Since I have no idea how to actually do this, I am following the advice of another: Schmutzie. Yes, I am going to start looking for the grace in small things.

I first head about "grace in small things" when Sarah began doing it. And she is as sarcastic a bitch as they come. I figures that if she was doing it I could do it and still feel cool and not like I was joining a cult. Its pretty easy too. Each day I will find at least five good things in my day, no matter how small, no matter how crappy the day is. And if you want to follow along, you can do so, because I will be listing them all on Twitter. I figure if I list them publicly I will be less likely to stop after three days.

Get ready world, here comes a whole new Libby. Or maybe the same Libby, just with better looking wrinkles.


Sarcastic Bitch said...

Two simple words that will solve your scowling wrinkles forever: CUT BANGS. It worked for me.

Braja said...

Did my comment work? No? DAMMIT@!!!

Braja said...

OK, so I said:

I was told once by the time you're 40 you have the face you've earned. Crap, I say: I put millions into this face over the years...excellent red wine, fantastic locations, highest fashion :) I want my money back?

Sandi said...

Oh Libby do the Botox. It is fabulous! a few little tiny shots a few times a year and you look like you just a fresh night sleep. It is the BEST thing ever invented. Next to Diet Coke and Yellow Zingers.