Nemesis Needed

I am bored. I don’t know how it happened, but little by little my life has become one big snoozefest. I work. I come home. I exercise. I blog. I make out with my husband. I sleep. When people ask me what I have been up to I really have nothing to say except “you know, the same.” I guess I could go through the list, but then I would just be spreading my boredom like some kind of boring disease. I need some excitement in my life, and so, I have decided to start a feud.

The feud idea wasn’t mine to start, it actually came from the girl who cuts my hair. She is in a local rock band, and had been looking up a way to drum up publicity, other than constantly posting on the band’s My Space page about how great they are. So, she asked another band if they wanted to start a feud. Now the band is getting lots of publicity, as the group of small, but loyal, Salt Lake music scenesters hash it out on message boards across the Internet.

I, obviously, don’t have a band, but I am not going to let that stop me. I just need to figure out a reason for the feud, and the identity of my nemesis. Of course, the first potential nemesis I thought of was Tara, but then I realized that I would be lonely if I did that, since she is pretty much the only person who talks to me. Also, she knows too much about me, and wouldn’t be afraid to hit below the belt when the feud got rough. So, I asked her to join the feud with me, since it will be best to have her on my side. Of course, now we have to find TWO people to feud with, or else otherwise it will be an unfair fight, and I am finding that is a much harder prospect than it appears.

We are very mean...

You see, there is no social networking site for setting up feuds. No “Feudbook,” if you will. Also, you can’t just put up a sign in the grocery store with phone number tabs on it. I don’t want to say how I know, but creepy people call when you do that. And I don’t even want to consider the weirdos that would come out of the woodwork on Craigslist. I want a feud, not a horror movie.

Now I am just waiting for a feud opportunity to present itself. I am trying to be overly sensitive and easily insulted, but people are actually being nicer than usual. It’s almost as if they know. I’m sure it will happen soon though, and then BAM!, feud is on. Oh, and if anyone wants to recommend a feud to me, I am open for suggestions. I just hope they don’t piss me off… Or maybe that would be a good thing.