Friday, February 29, 2008

Once Every Four Years

No, I'm not talking about the Presidential election, even though we all know how excited I am for that. I'm talking about leap day! February 29th! The big calendar abnormality! Woo hoo! As the producer of a very important news show I have, of course, spent the morning combing the Internet looking for interesting leap day tidbits for the anchors to spout on air. The only thing I can find? Leap day is the one day women can ask men to marry them. Now, that might have been cool in the 1800's, but then again, so were those bikes with the huge wheel in front. It's time for some new leap day traditions, and I am just the woman to come up with them.
  • On leap day everyone must walk backwards until they trip over something. The thing that they trip over is theirs to keep.
  • Any word or phrase can be turned into a sexual innuendo on leap day -- no mater how lame. For instance "I'm going to transpose you" is perfectly acceptable.
  • All foods are calorie free on leap day. And donuts actually help you lose weight.
  • Anyone wearing the color pink must be chased down the street with chants of "wear pink, you stink" ringing in their ears.
  • Everyone must carry an onion with them at all times to throw at the people wearing pink.
  • The traditional leap day greeting? A slap on the ass followed by two short hip bumps.
  • Pigeon hunting is legal on the streets of New York City on leap day, but everyone must eat what they kill.
  • Pants are optional on leap day.
Now, get out there and have a good leap day. Sing, dance , and make up your own traditions. After all, it only comes once every four years, like Nader trying to spoil a Presidential election. Oh, that's one more thing, today, Ralph Nader must wear bunny ears and stilettos. That's my favorite leap year tradition of all.


Amanda said...

With my luck, I would trip over Mom's puppy.

Cate said...

Did you know that the no pants dance is the traditional dance of leap year?

skepticle said...

Pants optional?!
Next time I will plan, oh yes I will plan...

L@pterces said...

Hmmm... I didn't get the 'traditional leap day greeting' today. (I enjoyed the scalp massage, though...)