Sunday, December 30, 2007

1. LibbyLogic

The year is almost over. Just two days left and then we'll say good-bye to 2007. Sigh. But just in case you didn't realize the year was ending every newspaper, magazine, website, and television show is ready to remind you with a slew of look backs and top ten stories. I always like to think that if I am ever in a long coma I hope I wake up on December 28th so it will take no time at all to catch up on the books I should have read, the news stories I should have paid attention to, the medical advances that may have saved me, and the top ten crimes committed by celebrities. I mean, at any other time of the year there would just be so much information to wade through, and hardly any of it would be summed up in bullet points.

About two weeks ago the network feed services started sending down their end of the year stuff. Multiple taped pieces each running at least two and a half minutes long detailing everything from what happened in the war in Iraq, to what happened on "Heroes." I honestly don't know who sits around deciding what needs to be recapped, but I'm guessing the process has something to do with a lot of beer and a spinning dart board. How else do you get a piece on the best quotes of the year, and then the best stories involving fish?

Despite the wide and varied array of lists I always feel there is something lacking at this time of year... A few areas overlooked. So, without any further ado, here is the 2007 list of top ten lists I would like to see.

10. Top ten useless gadgets that no one needs, everyone bought, and no one will use in the next year. The ov-glove is a perfect example.

9. Top ten celebrities getting attention for something other than being a complete asshole. Okay, that may have to be just a top five list.

8. Top ten uncomfortable fashion trends.

7. Top ten things that will likely contribute to the end of the world in some way.

6. Top ten made up words now being used as part of a common vernacular driving every English teacher I know crazy.

5. Top ten foods re-introduced to the market as "health food" that really haven't changed anything but the packaging.

4. Top ten new baby names that weren't names before, but now seems to be everywhere. For instance: Braxton. What kind of stupid name is that? What, did the mother go into false labor a lot before the kid was born? See also: Milan.

3. Top ten television shows that make it easy to believe the medium is evil. This could be a top 20 if both written and reality shows are considered.

2. Top ten songs that make no-sense, are extremely annoying, and are played non-stop on the radio.

1. Top ten cloying social trends that really pissed me off. This year that would have to include Webkinz, American flag lapel pins and those stupid "stop complaining" wrist bands.

That's it. Now I'm off to watch "Top Ten Hollywood Break-ups" on E! That could fit into at least two of the categories above...