Dead Man's Party

Halloween is, by far, my family's favorite holiday. Yes, Christmas is nice, family togetherness, Jesus, presents, blah, blah, blah, but no fake blood. Fourth of July? Very patriotic and spectacular, but you can't walk the neighborhood begging for candy. St. Patrick's Day? Are you kidding me? The only good thing about Saint Patrick's Day is that horror movie "The Leprechaun."

I was brought up in a house where Halloween decorations were plentiful, costumes were carefully thought out, large parties were held, and trick or treating routes were planned like military operations: maximum candy, minimal casualties. As I have gotten older I have tried to carry on the family traditions, making sure sloppy joes are bubbling on the stove, and that I have enough candy on hand supply an army of sugar hungry children. And, of course, I have a Halloween party.

Over the years the party has gotten bigger, and bigger, and this year I think was the best one yet. We hired a tarot card reader, and had a pinata for the kids. Oh, and I decided to skip the traditional cheese platters and crudites of traditional parties and let my friends in on the culinary treat that is my Mother's sloppy joe recipe. It makes Manwiches taste like, well, Manwiches.

Costumes have been kind of a struggle for the past few years. Every year Ryan suggests we go as Godzilla and King Kong and build a miniature city to fight over and destroy. While that would indeed be a cool costume it breaks two of my cardinal rules for Halloween finery: I don't masks, and it has to be comfortable. It isn't just big bulky monkey suits I disdain, it's also tarty Halloween costumes that are favored by some women. "Oh, I'm a kitty." No, you're a hooker dressed like a kitty. I would much rather wear a bathrobe and go as a mental patient (which I have done), than glam up and strip down as a pirate wench. So, this year I was especially pleased when Lindsey suggest we go as Cagney and Lacey. Have you seen the clothes they wore on that show? Practically tents! It was perfect. Since Cagney and Lacey didn't have a male hanger-on Ryan decided to brush off the Tigger costume once again. Since Halloween is a family affair, Sally had to have a costume too. She went as Sammy Davis Junior Junior from the movie "Everything is Illuminated." Tara claims I stole the idea from her, but we all know she's a big liar.

I could go into all of the details about the party, who was there, what they wore, what we did, but the only thing more boring that a party recap is this year's World Series. Let's just say everyone had an excellent time at the party, but no one enjoyed it more than Luke. He arrived dressed as a cowboy, but soon changed into his pajamas so he would look more like our friend Connor, who was dressed as a Ghostbuster. We tried to get him to sit down and eat, but every time we put food in front of him on the coffee table he would wander off to look at another costume, and Sally would eat his sloppy joe. When his mother finally decided it was time to go he made the rounds of the party three times saying good-bye to everyone. Twice he went out the door only to pop back in and yell "Good-bye everybody. I gotta run." It was like trying to get James Brown off stage. He just wouldn't go.

Ryan and I finally crawled into bed about 1am, which was odd, because our Halloween parties usually end with Ryan walking someone home about 4. I guess we're getting old, and our friends are getting lame. I might have to go out and toilet paper all their houses tonight, just to keep the spirit of Halloween alive. I mean, if I don't I might as well become one of those Arbor Day loving losers. Now, that's scary.