Sunday, July 1, 2007

I drank the water -- because Tequila has water in it.

So, as many of my loyal readers may have noticed I have been absent from the blogosphere for a little while. I think I needed a little blogcation. I mean. it's hard entertaining dozens of people. But now I'm back, rested and ready to write pithy missives about what I had for lunch.

For part of my absence we were in Mexico with Ryan's family. He is the oldest of six. Two of them have kids. Two of them act like kids. So, even trying to organize and get everyone to Mexico was a feat of wit and stamina usually only seen when David Blaine feel people are starting to think of him as "normal." Some how though we managed to get everyone there intact -- with just slightly frazzled wits.

Now, I could go through the trip day by day and give you every little detail about what we did, what we ate, what I wore and how many margaritas I had -- but I leave that kind of writing to
Ayn Rand -- and Dr. Kevorkian. So, instead let me just give you the high points...
  • The first day I got my niece a "virgin" daiquiri -- only to have her complain about the taste after three sips. Yep, the bartender didn't quite get the whole "virgin" thing. Out of guilt I drank the rest.
  • On the third day we took the kids to swim with dolphins -- but their idea of "swimming" was different from what actually happened. They got to pet, shake hands with and give signals to dolphins. They thought they would get to ride, pet and swap secrets with them. We had some very disappointed children on our hands.
  • On that same day a bunch of iguanas had gathered on a patio at the resort. We decided to feed them orange slices -- until one bit my finger. And let me tell you -- iguanas can bite. But as I always say -- it isn't a vacation unless I get bitten. I can add it to the list of pig, pompano and ostrich.
  • Every day I had a beauty appointment -- with my 2 year old niece. For hours we would sit in the kiddie pool while she played with my hair and made me lean back so she could dunk me in the water. So, it was beauty parlor/baptism. But it kept her occupied and happy, so I was willing to sit there as long as she wanted me to.
  • I got to hold and pet a monkey. We went to a tourist island for diving and one of the activities on land was getting your picture taken with a monkey or a parrot. I had to push a couple kids out of the way, but finally the furry little beast was mine. It was the best day of my life. Including my wedding and the birth of any children I may eventually have.

  • Every night the resort put on a floor show that could only be called truly horrendous. I mean, it was New Christie Minstrels bad. But without the tambourines. Of course, the kids loved it and made us watch it every night. I think it gave me a rash.
  • There was also a disco on the property for nighttime entertainment. I never went because of my well know lack of dance ability and my intense dislike of music that goes "bomp, bomp,bomp, bomp, da, bomp, bomp, bomp." Ryan did go once with his brother and returned to say he didn't have a good time because it was filled with "young people." "We're young people" I replied. "No. No we aren't," Ryan said. So then I took my Geritol and went to bed.
  • On Friday night there was a massive thunderstorm that we watched march across the bay. It was amazing. There was literally a wall of water that crashed onto the shore. We were both totally soaked by the time we got back to the room. I had to wring my clothes out.
  • I discovered a grand new drink -- the Beerarita. Take one Margarita and half of a beer. Mix. Enjoy. Just don't put it near any kids.
  • On the last day it almost turned into a family cage match on the way to the airport. First, Ryan's brother threatened the desk guy because he wasn't going to be allowed to check out without his resort sanctioned bracelet -- which he had thrown away. Then we couldn't get everyone in one van. Then we had to wait in an hour long check in line with seventeen pieces of luggage, three kids and one toddler trying to take her clothes off. Then three of us had to go to immigration to get a special approval because our passports hadn't been stamped properly upon entry. When we finally got to the gate it was final call, but we couldn't find three siblings. Ryan took off to recover them and finally found them in a concourse bar. I think he actually dragged them to the plane by their hair. After liftoff, it took two mini bottles of tequila before the vein over his eye stopped throbbing.
Overall it was an absolutely delightful time. I actually got a tan -- which is amazing since my skin normally goes from "Powder" to "on fire." And there is nothing better than laying in a kiddie pool with a cool drink, laughing my ass of with my husband and a group of funny kids... Only one thing would have made it better... If I had gotten to keep the monkey. Next time...


cate said...

"Dozens of readers" hahahah!

mom said...

great monkey--are you sure you really want a baby--monkeys are so much cuter...okay, I read it, Tom read it, Cate read it--that's three...

Tara said...

That monkey clearly hates you.