Queen of the night

For three days this week I am working on the morning show -- which means I have to arrive at the office at 11pm and leave at 7am. Because I'm not quite tired enough getting my butt out of bed at 5am to do the noon and I really enjoy not seeing my husband. No, actually I am doing this due to a major personality flaw -- I am too damn nice. The regular producer is out of town celebrating her first anniversary and the senior producer on the show is moving. Oh, yeah, and no one else is stupid enough to agree to work this shift.

This isn't the first time I have done the overnight thing. Three years ago when I was in grad school I actually requested this shift. It made it easier to attend classes -- even if it did age men ten years, take a permanent toll on my sleep habits and adversely affect my personal hygiene. It was while I was working overnights I decided I really didn't have to wash my hair every day. Also, I had chronic heartburn and bad breath. Thinking back on it now I am amazed Ryan ended up asking me to marry him. We had just started dating when I was working that shift so my hair was in a constant state of bedhead and all I wanted to do was sleep. I think he was amazed when it was finally revealed that sunlight did not, in fact, make me melt.

This shift wouldn't actually be so bad if it weren't, you know, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. There is almost no one here -- and there is no chance that any management is going to show up unless the entire world starts on fire. And it would have to be the whole world. Just Asia? They're going back to bed. Oh, and I can wear whatever I want. For instance, right now, I am in a robe, slippers and a feather boa. And no one is looking at me strangely because they are all wearing the same thing! But, before you all start clamoring for graveyard shifts let me tell you one thing -- all the weirdos come out at night.

At least three times a night the police scanner blares reports of a naked man walking through an apartment building, or a drunk who thinks calling 9-1-1 and not saying anything is funny. It is also the time teenagers decide walking into a 7-11, grabbing beer and running is a good idea, even if a cop is parked in the lot. Of course, criminals aren't the only odd creatures to deal with overnight -- those who work it for a long time are an odd bunch too.

There are two guys who have been on the overnight shift for as long as anyone can remember. One is an editor, one is a photographer. It is easy to understand why the editor is on this shift -- he is too annoying to work around people who aren't sleep deprived. Really, according to this guy he has worked every job ever invented in television -- in fact, he invented television. And he feels that telling his stories over and over and over again is not just interesting -- but a learning experience for all involved. Oh, he's also incredibly lazy. He assumes everyone is so brain dead it won't matter if he uses cell phone video from 1986 or shows Bill Clinton when the script is actually talking about Hillary. He also knows that if and when a manager catches up with him they will probably have forgotten what they wanted to talk to him about in the first place.

The other perennial night guy calls himself "The Night Hawk." He is very good at what he does and is usually is on the scene of news before the cops arrive. The only problem is that he has started believing his own hype. He has been known to yell at those who question him "I own the night!" No, I'm not kidding.

Luckily, just one more shift and I can return to the land of the living. I have practically made the senior producer take a blood oath that he will never ask me to do this again. After all , my good humor only goes so far -- especially when I'm sleep deprived.