Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Libby Skywalker?

There are many things I never want to do in my life. I don't want to knit a sweater out of cat hair, I don't want to see Celine Dion in concert and I don't ever want to be considered an Arby's "frequent diner." As of today I have another thing to add to the list -- I don't ever, ever, ever want to go out on the Grand Canyon Skywalk.

For those of you unfamiliar the Skywalk is a platform jutting out over the edge of Grand Canyon -- four thousand feet up from the canyon bottom. Oh, and it has a glass bottom, just in case you really wanted to know how far you would fall if the whole thing broke apart and crashed onto the rocks below -- which I'm pretty sure would happen if I set foot on it. It also has glass sides -- which don't go all the way up. Um, hello, calling all jumpers? The Golden Gate bridge is going to look like nothing compared to this. Not only that, you have to pay for the privilege of looking death in the face while crazy people try to take their own lives. Fifteen bucks! I would rather pay to have someone kick me in the shins, or to buy a Danzig CD.

Of course, because the idea of the Skywalk scares the hell out of me, Ryan thinks it is the coolest thing ever. He wants to go this summer to stare into the brink of oblivion. He says it's perfectly safe and a once in a lifetime opportunity. Of course, this is also the man who jumped out of an airplane, thought a shot of Tequila would cure a broken wrist and maintains skateboarding is a safe mode of travel. In fact, I bet he would skateboard on the damn Skywalk if they would let him. That's how crazy he is.

I think the only way I will ever set foot on the Skywalk is if my Mother goes with me. I'm a skydiving tightrope walker compared to her. She gets nervous in a three story house. When I was a kid we went to the observation deck at the Empire State Building -- and she stood plastered against the wall -- sure if she came to well fenced edge it would spell her doom. The Empire State Building is only 12-hundred feet tall. The Skywalk is more than twice that -- with a glass bottom. My family is actually afraid if she even sees a news report about the new attraction she'll start screaming. But, if she'll go with me I will gladly pay for both of us.

I don't think I'll be booking tickets to Arizona any time soon...


Amanda said...

I do not think this could have been said any better, even if Mom wrote it herself.

mother ellen said...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, infinity

cate said...