Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Crack of dawn

This week my schedule is a bit different because I am filling in the for the noon producer while she has some sort of surgery. Its either sinus or sex reassignment -- I don't remember which. I figure I'll be able to figure it out by looking at her when she comes back.

What this means for me is that I must now be at work at 6am in order to put the show together. That means I must get up by 5:30 at the latest if I don't want to go to work in my bathrobe with dirty hair. Now, I wouldn't mind that, but HR might have a problem with it, and we all kn
ow my goal in life is to avoid HR. I was actually surprised that 5:30 in the morning still exists. I distinctly remember a campaign to outlaw the early morning hours. After all, as my friend Tara says "what do you need to do at 5 in the morning that can't wait until 10"? Can I get an amen?

Getting up that early in the morning just brings out the worst
in me. First of all, I do not look pretty. I think lack of sleep actually makes my nose bigger. Really, its Durantesque. Add to that my eyes squinting into light they don't want to see yet -- and I pretty much look like a naked mole rat with a blonde bob and a bad attitude.

I need coffee

In addition, my sense of humor lags when I'm tired. Where I would normally offer up a witty bon mot I instead just stare into space and mutter "whatever" under my breath. There is no song in my heart or spring in my step, just a gurgle in my stomach as I finish my breakfast feast of coffee and Pop Tarts from the vending machine.

The only thing that makes the mornings worse are morning people. For the past two days I have been greeted cheerfully by Julie, who helps write the noon show. Now, I love Julie, shes fun at 3pm, but at seven its a little like being besieged by a Keebler elf. I think she must be some sort of evil genius trying to destroy me with peppiness.

Luckily my tenure on the show will be short, just a week. Then I will go back to the world of the living, where coffee shops are already open, where having a drink after work doesn't make me a mid-day drunk and where there is nothing I can't put off until at least 9:15.


Cate said...

What is dad doing with out his 4 pm coffee fix?

Wendy said...

I nearly forgot how funny you are! My I miss your humor! There is no one like you here... maybe that's why my days, er nights, are so serious and depressing. Oh the sarcasm... the wit! How 'bout you and Ryan move to DC? So, VVVVV is having another "surgery" huh? Maybe she'll come back as a cat.