tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post2092937252292295442..comments2023-06-29T05:54:29.963-06:00Comments on Libby Logic: Unnecessary QualifierLogical Libbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00107961721466815295noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-71304830870608219122012-02-08T09:31:34.383-07:002012-02-08T09:31:34.383-07:00I have a friend who's well known and every tim...I have a friend who's well known and every time she's mentioned in the press, it's as the "adopted child of ____". It's maddening to her. She's only ever known him as her father. She even asked one website to take it off the biography of her and they REFUSED. Can you believe it?Deathstarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10012800256411878445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-81758356956762507512012-02-02T17:18:15.881-07:002012-02-02T17:18:15.881-07:00I had the oddest conversation where my client said...I had the oddest conversation where my client said she was "going to ask her 13-yr-old adopted nephew to write some blogs posts" for an arts festival.<br /><br />Huh?? Um, it's 2012 you know?!harriet glynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17223388139583386938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-12206160950776516172012-02-02T17:17:05.276-07:002012-02-02T17:17:05.276-07:00I'd like to know how you talk to her about ado...I'd like to know how you talk to her about adoption. I'll check through your blog...harriet glynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17223388139583386938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-71508776143757268462012-01-30T13:53:56.830-07:002012-01-30T13:53:56.830-07:00My mom is 62 and when someone will ask her about h...My mom is 62 and when someone will ask her about her "adopted" mother, she's like, the other lady had me 8 days. My mom had me 62 years. She's my mom. Thanks! ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-64830199981324712212012-01-23T09:32:22.680-07:002012-01-23T09:32:22.680-07:00I think that's a totally fair deal right there...I think that's a totally fair deal right there...<br /><br />But, shame on me for thinking, I thought that it would be hilarious in a twisted kind of way that when introducing our kid, to always mention in a hushed voice with the back of our hand shielding the side of our mouth, that he was a C-section child.<br /><br />Although I doubt his mom would go for that, so... nevermind.The Twisted Tinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07575455017637686228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-71922539409020140532012-01-20T13:05:18.778-07:002012-01-20T13:05:18.778-07:00Agreed. Just yesterday there was something online ...Agreed. Just yesterday there was something online about Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman's "adopted" children being all grown up now. There was no qualifier attached to Suri, however.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-33491829756189340962012-01-16T19:06:47.157-07:002012-01-16T19:06:47.157-07:00Very much agree. My brother-in-law is adopted, but...Very much agree. My brother-in-law is adopted, but if that wasn't something I'd picked up on in passing, I don't think I'd even know. He never addresses himself as an adoptee or mentions his status as an adopted child. That's something in his past he's chosen not to, but regardless, children brought into loving homes and raised as part of those families are 100 percent a part of them as far as I'm concerned.for a different kind of girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04431273646365489225noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-61095105395549502182012-01-15T21:12:56.666-07:002012-01-15T21:12:56.666-07:00I agree, totally! My sister adopted her two child...I agree, totally! My sister adopted her two children a few years ago and she has made me so much more aware of the stupid things people say when it comes to adoption. <br /><br />I like your point that the kids had no say in their adoption, so they should have a say in how it's discussed.Patty O.https://www.blogger.com/profile/15598358666714482323noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-18443196054009825692012-01-15T19:21:26.759-07:002012-01-15T19:21:26.759-07:00OMG She's just gotten even more gorgeous! How ...OMG She's just gotten even more gorgeous! How the heck do you stand it?Aunt Juiceboxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09312942310632639442noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-8024369238835314282012-01-15T16:25:58.827-07:002012-01-15T16:25:58.827-07:00I so wish the media would pay attention to this. ...I so wish the media would pay attention to this. Many people have been putting it out there in their own ways that the media is behind the times when it comes to adoption and adoption language yet they continue to write like it is the 1960s! Besides the topic of this post, I also cannot stand when people refer to adoption as "giving away". My children's birth parents did not give them away - my children were not puppies in a box outside the grocery store! My children's birth parents placed these precious babies with us knowing we would love and care for them and do our best to raise them to be productive and happy adults.Reagan and Trevor's Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11025330013654842897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-91456333707547863312012-01-15T13:07:13.921-07:002012-01-15T13:07:13.921-07:00I have five children, who now range in age from (d...I have five children, who now range in age from (doing the math here) 35-24. My youngest daughter married a man who brought two children with him to the marriage, and, they've since added a baby boy. She was young when she married, and, I worried as she'd never babysat, yearned for a child--nothing. She's rocking the mom thing.<br /><br />Yesterday, we were driving somewhere, and started to talk about her children. She said, "I knew you'd never call them anything but your grandchildren. And, I knew I could do this, because, until I was 12--I didn't know (here she named her two oldest siblings) weren't my full siblings. You never, ever mentioned them as anything but your kids. I knew I could marry a man with children and love them totally, because I grew up in a family like that"<br /><br />Best. Compliment. Ever. I, too, married a man with two children. The moment we married, they became my children, born not beneath my heart, but, in it. Their mother was in the picture, there on the edges. Her new husband had one child only--his biological child with her, so, she gladly handed over full custody and declined to remain involved. meh.<br /><br />Your child is how you present it to the world. People are not going to question what you hold forth as fact--my eldest daughter is a blue eyed blonde and I am a brown eyed brunette. I cannot tell you how often people remarked on how much we look alike. Perhaps it's mannerisms, who knows. One story we still laugh about is the time I was scolding her, and fell into the guilting mode, "I cannot believe I went through all that labor for you, and you are being such a poo!" "Um, Mom?" "Yes???" She grinned. "Oh. Right. I forgot. Go to your room." Both she and her brother chose to call me Mom--she was 3, he was 12. A 12 year old choosing to call you mom is a huge thing. <br /><br />I only know when I count my children, they are always the first two names. When their father and I divorced, they came to live with me. Stranger things, eh?<br /><br />People do not question--I have a cousin who still puts 129 lbs on her license, when it is so very obvious she's closer to 300. Every time she renews, they say, "Anything changed?" (eyebrows raised) She responds, "Nope." No one says a word. <br /><br />So, you say, "This is my son/daughter" even if your race/coloring/height is far different, because, in your soul, where it counts--that is your child.quin brownehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09804746948797234402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-87671220276933326792012-01-15T13:04:11.897-07:002012-01-15T13:04:11.897-07:00Great post. And I agree!Great post. And I agree!Danielle-Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00174861938011241438noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-72125905150526871182012-01-15T12:17:07.507-07:002012-01-15T12:17:07.507-07:00Excellent post!Excellent post!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-14129080745667638462012-01-14T17:51:02.569-07:002012-01-14T17:51:02.569-07:00I completely agree!
That is a pet peeve of mine as...I completely agree!<br />That is a pet peeve of mine as well.Cindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16842778531500045113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-20887976459888649332012-01-14T14:20:29.810-07:002012-01-14T14:20:29.810-07:00Hear hear!
Really, that's all I have to say. I...Hear hear!<br />Really, that's all I have to say. I get annoyed when I hear that as a "qualifier" as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-64545524148467593242012-01-14T04:27:49.151-07:002012-01-14T04:27:49.151-07:00I absolutely agree. Meg is your child. To add a qu...I absolutely agree. Meg is your child. To add a qualifier is to imply something different and that is not fair to Meg or you.Philhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09410795209306696264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-78637094126559573142012-01-13T21:43:09.527-07:002012-01-13T21:43:09.527-07:00I don't understand why reporters do that, unle...I don't understand why reporters do that, unless it's because they (and this was drilled into me when I worked in newspapers) are trained to include every fucking detail they can get their hands on in their stories. <br /><br />I've written about it before and I will probably write about it again - blood isn't thicker than water. A friend of mine and I refer to our biological mothers as our "incubators." You get the idea.Riot Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02725825736285347870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-62780864874612155242012-01-13T19:26:13.746-07:002012-01-13T19:26:13.746-07:00A good friend of mine is a foster parent and has a...A good friend of mine is a foster parent and has adopted the younger sister of two siblings.<br /><br />Not once did I ever hear her say "this is my adopted daughter."<br /><br />I have heard her say repeatedly, "this is my daughter."G. B. Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09783331838434598963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-91780853696075895822012-01-13T12:47:18.585-07:002012-01-13T12:47:18.585-07:00As someone who is adopted with adopted children I&...As someone who is adopted with adopted children I've always felt it's up to my kids themselves to tell people when and if they want to, that they're adopted. I've never volunteered the information myself, even with teachers etc. I work on the assumption it's none of their business really. And I certainly didn't want them labelled "Ah well she's like this because she's adopted" etc.LL Cool Joehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13916666100971008775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-44158880630709879382012-01-13T12:11:13.723-07:002012-01-13T12:11:13.723-07:00I completely agree.I completely agree.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16928801357264791430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-87668570165280026982012-01-13T11:30:16.586-07:002012-01-13T11:30:16.586-07:00A-freaking-men.
My mom and most of her siblings w...A-freaking-men.<br /><br />My mom and most of her siblings were adopted, I was adopted by my dad. As a result, I have very few biological relatives. And the people who have treated any of us as "adopted" have inflicted so much pain. This issue has been a long-term interest of mine (for obvious reasons).<br /><br />And it's funny what missohkay said about The Royal Tennenbaums. That plot element really bothered to me. Otherwise, it's one of my all time favorites movies. There is a natural, human aversion to being sexually attracted to those you grow up with closely, biological siblings or not. I found the "they're not real siblings so that's why they fell in love" thing was offensive and gross. <br /><br />p.s. Your daughter is beautiful and is lucky to have such a great mom.Serial Monogamisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06240343915323669214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-72119811326421747502012-01-13T11:06:51.124-07:002012-01-13T11:06:51.124-07:00Reminds me of "This is Margot, my adopted dau...Reminds me of "This is Margot, my adopted daughter" from the Royal Tenenbaums. So unnecessary. (Well, in her case perhaps it was necessary w/ the whole her brother being in love her thing, but you get my point.) Though I do sometimes like to hear that someone was adopted just to be like "oh cool," I don't need the implicit point they're ALWAYS trying to make (see also Steve Jobs)aplusefforthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12142056896638707180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-81442014027962035782012-01-13T11:06:22.090-07:002012-01-13T11:06:22.090-07:00Libby, as usual, you are so right on.
I have had ...Libby, as usual, you are so right on.<br /><br />I have had a friend of my sister's introduce me and Mea to their mutual friends by saying, "This is Kelly, and her adopted daughter Mea." <br /><br />The last time that she did this, I called her out on it. It shouldn't be part of an introduction, and it is definitely not her place to tell someone that my child was adopted.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-6251404954413302862012-01-13T10:40:41.637-07:002012-01-13T10:40:41.637-07:00This is one of my biggest pet peeves. And there i...This is one of my biggest pet peeves. And there is no history of adoption among my family or close friends, either. I just think it';s insensitive and implies a difference between adopted & biological. The same goes with the calling biological parents "real" parents. It makes me stabby (in fact, I am in the middle of writing a post that talks about that).<br /><br />The very worst example I have ever witnessed of this kind of behavior was by my former boss (who was the devil) - he used to introduce his kids to people as "my biological son & my adopted daughter." If those kids don't grow up to be a sociopath & an abused woman, I will be shocked.Ginahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00684328990767140199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7670512488001349318.post-16065601724410807562012-01-13T09:36:20.694-07:002012-01-13T09:36:20.694-07:00I agree. We should follow the adoptee's lead....I agree. We should follow the adoptee's lead.<br /><br />I have a friend who was adopted and it's a big part of how she defines herself. Its one of the first things she tells new people. She plans on someday adopting children of her own.BugginWordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11469980416319902081noreply@blogger.com